Rhetorically: A Trip Into My Headspace

Folder: 
Angst

 

Rhetorically: A Trip Into My Headspace 

(10/17-18/2017)

 

 

  • I need to ask you a question. Is there something wrong with me?
  • There must be something “off” that you’re unable or unwilling to see.
  • Why don’t I deserve the same consideration as him, as them, as her?
  • Because obviously you’re not good enough, otherwise “how things are” would’ve long since become how they were.
  • What if I’m just afraid of the unknown and what something real would require?
  • Stop whining. You’ll be as happy as you choose to be as soon as you acknowledge that your irrational phobia is a thief and a liar. 
  • But what about all this self improvement I’ve done and how I’ve bettered myself from the inside out? 
  • You said you did that for yourself and yet here you stand looking for external validation and crippled by self doubt. 
  • I did do it for myself, but maybe it might be nice to have someone who appreciates it with whom to share my affections. 
  • But what if the rest of the world doesn’t see what you see…after all you’ve never actually seen your own face—only pictures and reflections. 
  • So they don’t actually mean it when they tell me that I’m so pretty and so smart and that I’m such a catch?
  • C’mon, Ky, they’re clearly just being polite cuz it’s been over 40 years and you haven’t found anyone that wants to be your match. 
  • That’s not true! I’ve been told “I love you” lots of times, but I had to tell them it couldn’t work since they didn’t share my faith and love my God.
  • So you only attract those that don’t share the most important part of your life…don’t you think that’s odd?
  • And speaking of crippled, you’re middle-aged and handicapped with a chronic illness—do you honestly think someone would want to take that on?
  • Don’t be delusional; this is real life not an Ed Sheeran song. (when your legs don’t work like they used to before)
  • Stop it! Shut up! Now you’re being deliberately harsh and unnecessarily cruel. 
  • Don’t get mad at me; I’m just calling the game as I see it—I didn’t write the rules.
  • Maybe I wasn’t direct enough before: The truth is you’re a saboteur because you’re a frightened woman-child and  fear has you tight in its clutches.
  • I said be quiet! I can’t stand you—and that’s saying a lot considering  I’m holding these crutches. 
  • You think you’ve got me all figured out with your clichéd “better the devil you know” assessment and hackneyed psycho babble. 
  • I’m done with this interchange. I’ve had enough of your gabble. 
  • Besides who do you think you are? You don’t know me, and who gave you permission to respond to my thoughts and questions so categorically?
  • You gave me permission, and I do know you because you can’t ask yourself questions rhetorically. 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sometimes life and relationships come with more questions than answers. I wrote this one because I’m not feeling the best about myself of late. Just a general sense of melancholy and displacement. 2017 has been filled with too much disappointment, betrayal and change.

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