Lessons In Adulthood

My refreshed mind can’t help but want to apologize
For the irrationality, insecurity, instability
And also my inability to compromise
Now I know what it’s like on the other side
Of those long-winded misguided replies
A selfish attempt to justify myself
Rather than let the issue lie.

(Although I cannot bring myself to feel shame
For I don’t know how I got to acting that way.)

I could not accept, that I got myself into this mess
So I gave away all the blame and all the stress
I gathered all of my frustrations
and built a wall of expectation
then put you to the test.

In the end, my retreat was fueled by self-preservation
A desperate mind that could find no other options
But the fault for losing my heart’s foundation –
It was all mine.

And even in this hindsight
My decision is neither black nor white
Selfish or necessary, wrong or right
Either way I must forgive
For it’s a decision with which I have to live

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