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2003 strange room to find a poet,
says the box that suddenly appears on the screen.
The words are a shock
breaking through the cloths of numbness I’ve pulled around me
they hit me with full force
and start a shaking all through me
without my protecting numbness I am raw
and the sobs come, one after another,
too deep to be quieted
sometimes I can’t tell which is worse
the ever-increasing shame, or
the impossibility of comfort from it
The Box waits for a response
I fight back the shame, swallow the sobs
I know, I type back,
two empty words, giving no indication that anything just happened
For here I am a Box too, and Boxes have no feelings
The Box keeps typing, as if the first words never happened
perhaps, for him, they didn’t.
what are you looking for?
what am I looking for? what am I looking for?
curiosity led me here, keeps me here
I cringe as I type the words which explain myself and my feelings
I do not feel exposed; I’m only talking to a Box, after all, and to it I am not a person either
but yet the shame is so great that I cannot even look at the words I have typed
so easy to type words; press enter before the mind can even properly register what they are
and all the while, the words echo in my head, strange room to find a poet
The Box and I type more words back at each other
The Box suggests meeting
my fingers type back, startlingly considering the option
my emotions struggle with the possibility,
lost in thoughts of what ifs and maybes being turned reality
no! a wordless scream, from deep inside
brain, take over, I can’t deal with this anymore,
and so it does, telling my fingers to type
I need to go; someone needs the phone
and I escape into "Are you sure you want to exit?"
Enter, Enter, Enter
I leave the room, enter into my own,
where I wrap myself in darkness
I cry as quietly as possible, lost in my own private hell
where shame and disgust for myself is all I know
where I know no comfort can come
where I know I don’t deserve life
strange room to find a poet
strange room to find a poet
strange world to find a poet
(this program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down)
fascinating, it's as if I were right next to you
as you're typing to the box, I'm pretty desperate
too at times, but I've managed to have some self
control.
Incredible piece you wrote, the way you let it
unfold, your style of writing, expression of feelings.
It's flawless. If only there was a sequel.
Please dont look at my poems,
Sometimes, that happens when you critique another poets
work. The stuff I wrote just happens to be some of my worst
and it would be very embarrassing having someone like
who knows how to write read it. Thank you for respecting
my wishes.
Wow. Very nice narration and internal dialogue expressed. Nothing else to say but that it was intriguing... Wonderful job. Keep it up!