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Do You Really Wanna Know? Truth is a Bullet

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Captured in light,

My feelings come true.
The malcontent I feel,
Is aimed directly at you.

 

I’m kidding myself when I say, I...
I don’t know, I just...
I just don’t know. Cuz I 
Do...know. I do know oh so well.

 

It's a hard feeling
Captured in the light
It's a hard light, in
Capturing a feeling. 

 

I just don’t love, the way

I want to love. 
Lost in emotions,
Given in selflessness.

 

But you asked me,
You asked
And it’s a slippery feeling, friend
To say it out loud.

 

So I’m kidding myself when I say,
I don’t know,
Cuz I do know, I do...
I know oh, so well.

 

I don’t love you
The way that I want to love
Never felt the singing.
No weakness in my heart.

 

But you’re holding the gun,

when you ask,

So you best be sure
You want to shoot straight
Cuz when its over, it's over

I'll be gone.

 

So here goes,

 

I love you, I love you
I really do care
But I’m faking it, faking it

Please... go away.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm faking it faking it please go away.  Not wanting to hurt someone not wanting to admit no love on either side.  Wanting to get the hell out of a relationship. Questions can be like bullets and a straight answer could get you "killed" by the truth. So if anyone says they don't know, they do.  Its just most people can't articulate their feelings in a way that will let them look good and not be hurtful, or be told to get the f out.

REad my comments before for some serendipity.

FOR OTHERS SINCE GONE file

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last updated 29 November 2020 - 4:58am
©20 May 2002 - 12:32am — djtj
20 September 2016 - 4:29am — NostalgicWaters
NostalgicWaters's picture

Loved this read! So

Loved this read! So relevant. 

20 September 2016 - 5:46am — djtj
djtj's picture

Those words

i don't know can trip you up. Usually you do. Thanks for the read 

5 April 2016 - 9:41pm — allets
allets's picture

Equivocation

This poem gives that the willies! Damn, been there a few hundred times - quit jobs, left supposed friends, fam deceits, betrayals etc oh yeah and the this isn't working out too. - Stella

 

 

6 April 2016 - 2:55am — djtj
djtj's picture

Funny

Funny you should read and comment on this one.  It was written for a boyfriend i just needed to break up with.  He kept asking those questions.  Finally one night I said, I'm done and walked out.  (Luckily it was his apartment and I went home to mine).

Fast forward ten plus years and I go out with a man this weekend who toward the middle of the date I wasnt sure it was what I wanted.  The next day I changed my mind and what did he say when I asked him what he thought?  "I don't know."  I was, whoa...yeppers this feels familiar. Sorry about the willies.

 

20 September 2016 - 12:18am — Daniel-59
Daniel-59's picture

I met the first love of my

I met the first love of my life in 76 when I was in highschool lasted till 83 we both had issues of things done to us earlier in life ,being a victim myself I never pushed I just waited ....... one day she said the words no man wants to hear ,We Have To Talk ....Said She Loved Me but not the way I needed said I was just going to get killed fighting waiting on her .... Loved Me but not the way I needed ? never did understand that till years later I disappeared for 25 years before she found Me again She still loves Me but not the way I need it but now I understand

Every story-teller bends the myth to his own purpose. that's why a Hero has a thousand faces

20 September 2016 - 1:13am — djtj
djtj's picture

Platinum Rule

Someone said to live by the Golden Rule is wrong, because you are doing upon others as YOU would have done unto you.  The Platinum Rule, Do unto others as THEY would have done unto themselves...Love your lover the way they need to be loved and if its not your style move on, easier said than done.

Thanks for the read on an older poem...