All You Can Eat
It was all-you-can-eat mussels Monday.
Vintage wallpaper,
Reminiscent of pulled-down mite-filled plaster in college town apartments of our youth,
Hovered over our table.
I sat and looked at that wallpaper,
Diamonds of turquoise outlined with gold fleur-de-lis’,
Truly ugly, but magical in this hidey-hole restaurant.
Laughing, eating mussels, breaking the record of bowls ordered,
Silly, full and sinfully contemplating another round, he said,
You know I’ve been thinking about this lady I’m working with,
I think there’s more to it,
And I want to be open to pursue it.
He said that as I decided the wallpaper was going to be permanently indelible in my mind's eye,
Just as the taste of garlic lamb wine sauce would smack of rejection,
Innocent mussels cut off the floor of the ocean or riverbed or wherever the fuck they lived
Their fucking happy lives
Before they came to bear witness to his
Emotional infidelity.
Not bound to her, under no obligation except friendship and the sharing of a bed winding down a six-year love affair,
They had settled in a coupling
Monogamous and exclusive
Knowing he wanted to flee.
Time again his scorpion sting
Would make a break but grandiose ideals
Faded
And he’d return,
She’d take him back,
And they’d sit and watch Jeopardy by the artificial fireplace
Battery candles flicker
And fruit flies flutter.
They’d sit in an embrace not sat before in all their geriatric years,
His arm around her
Her back against him
His hand cupping her breast
Without intentions,
Stomachs too full from a meal.
Here though tonight with the mussel shells piled
The sauce glistening greasy on the dark wood table,
Concrete floor abstract art in grey,
He said he had to see where it led.
She keenly took notice of its similarity
To the designer scarf
Around his neck.
Is there a way to let the air out of your soul so many times
That it no longer can be filled again?
Flaccid?
She came all the time.
Over and over,
The first man to ever do that,
Their lovemaking thick and drenching
Never quite done
An endless series of toss and tumbles
Until the time he said
It’s not you it’s me.
You mean I'm not the you you need me to be?
So yea it is me?
Staring at hideous mid-century colors
Eating mussels my mid-century parents brought me up on
Being dumped by a mid-century born bald man
To pursue an un-shareable dream
I was never invited to dream.
A Good Box It Was
Cardboard remnants
of past lives,
Strewed in hallways
of crowded sentiments.
Reluctant,
yet expectant
of earned places
to be found,
she caresses the cellulose caskets
of long ago purchases,
and emperor thumbs down it all.
Except, maybe one.
Maybe, that one,
Because,
that one,
was, still,
a really good box.
Heart Torn Symmetry
You tore my heart in half
Folded it first
And ripped it
For symmetry.
My equally divided heart
In each of your hands
Slips slowly
To the floor
Where you stomp on it,
Jump up
and
down
on it,
Do a little dance
On it,
Get down tonight,
Smashing it
Like a spent cigarette.
But you pick it up,
Oh my,
To flap jack it
into a
Butter churn
Where you
pulverize it
painstakingly
to butter,
Drawing it out
With a knife
You slather it on
A cracker
And eat it.
FAIR DAY: Flight of the Balloon
Fair day came, she was all a flutter,
A day in the fun with just her mother.
Her conveyance, a stroller, umbrella and cramped,
Held her restrained, hunched over, encamped
Into transport too small,
Her limbs overnight, too tall.
Wiggling in the straps when she saw the balloons,
She pulled to chase them in the air as they zoomed,
Lookie, lookie, she cries, a pretty one gone up to the sky!
Oh, the waste of the money, oh the waste of a five.
I want one, Mommy, I want one of my own.
I'll get you one daughter, when we have to go home.
Their money was spent on games of chance,
Winning a few, but really, just losing the cash.
She rode the small rides, Mommy's face flashing by,
Yet, always in her mind, the balloon, how it would fly.
The day got late,
They made their way to the gate.
Mommy bought the balloon, purple, shining, and big,
She placed the precious string in the palm of her kid.
When her little hand reached for the sky to let it go,
Mommy clamped her big paw down and startled with a, No!
You can let it go at the house, but not at the fair.
Five dollars isn’t meant for a brief little affair.
And-the wailing began, and it ceased to desist
Until the van brought them home, at Mommy's insist.
Inside their abode, on that hot autumn day,
The little girl wiped all her tears away.
She let it go finally, sailed the balloon to the ceiling,
It hit...it bounced gaily...in a....loud...latex...killing.
They stood in the shards of the rubberized sphere,
Purple joy dissolved swiftly into synchronized tears.
Mommy held her daughter closely,
Asked her forgiveness, mostly,
For not letting a toddler's whim
Become the greater wisdom.
To have watched that balloon fly.
To have stood, fixed to that sky.
To have let it all go in that moment,
Let it all go-unbroken.
Let it go, there-
In the flight of a balloon, you bought at the fair.
Painting the Walls
Painting toilet paint on the walls,
She wreaks havoc in the halls,
A basting brush and a handy source of water,
A commode to me, but to a granddaughter...
A magic, glimmering, bucket of paint.
Oh, say it ain't,
Oh say it ain't so,
She's painting toilet water
on the walls.