These Days


I'm drawing a line in the sand. 
It's arbitrary and abstract but it
Feels like a matter of fact.
That these days are not and
Will not be a repeat of
Those days.

Caught between a surge of 
Feelings and the need to let go, 
To move on, and to grow. To 
Change not just my approach but 
Also myself. Building up what I've 
For so long torn down.

It's sad, it's maddening to admit
How much I want to go back.
To not fuck up all those 
Opportunities in which I failed
To advocate for and be myself.

I can't change or control those days.
Can't fix all my wrongs, can't take
Back all the years I lied to myself
And everyone else. Those days
Still haunt me like a relic from
My childhood I never conquered.

Still these days could be mine,
A chance to truly feel fine
And it not be a lie. These days
I'm stronger, wiser, more
Resilient than ever. I have failed
In more ways than one, but
I see now I was just clearing
The runway for success.

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patriciajj's picture

What Allets said! I don't

What Allets said! I don't think I can add anything to her brilliant interpretation, except that this resonated so perfectly with my feelings at this late stage of my life that I wanted to cheer when you, in the last stanza, took inventory of your life and concluded that it's all good; It's a coherent process, a "clearing", an endless beginning. 

 

Words to grow by. 

allets's picture

Renewal

A rerouting. I thought about concept of unconquered childhood; aka not granted tools to progress or not inculcated with survival tools by decision or design to succeed. Concrete thinking replaces emoted responses. To think is to be. To emote is to be dismissed. Life is mostly seeking to crowd out boredom. 
.

I shed lives like snakes outgrow skin  Renewal is mandatory.


New pix - a new look! :D

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~S~
 



Onyamaichi