Contempt and envy stay the hell away from me!
We are both flawed byproducts of a flawed
System and when we intermingle all
We breed is toxicity and dead weight.
I can't have it, I won't have it anymore.
Because if I'm to make it I must be as 
Light as possible, lighter than a feather,
Light enough to fly!

The chasm before me will not cease it's
Deepening, the tasks it whispers to me
Grow more Herculean by the hour.
If I falter, even for a moment, the progress
I'll lose will be insurmountable
And insecurities and fears will pull
Me into darkness.

Still I'm a coward I've let myself die
A million little deaths a million times.
Somehow losing became my default,
The defeatist within has won too many
Arguments for me not to believe them.
I'm scared. To stand as myself, to face
The repercussions of identity, to tell 
Most people I meet my real name.

I will forget my potential. I will diminish and
Dement. I will perish. I cannot stay this way.
There's no solution without further sacrifice
And suffering. No absolution without first
Confronting that if I cannot save myself
Then no one else will.

My desire to trust hope is outweighed by
My fear to not be pulled back into that
Pit of depression, but maybe I shouldn't
Trust hope at all. Instead I should place
My trust into something I can control.
Myself. It's paralyzing to think of
What I feel I must become now. 
To have the strength and conviction
To place not only my trust in myself
But also my faith that I can be myself.

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word_man's picture

touching write,life is a road

touching write,life is a road with many turns

ron parrish

allets's picture

Just Me

I encourage my ego - I'm so perfect it doesn't take much. Decide and move to whatever task presents with task oriented energy. I over thought when I was 30-60. Now, I am just feisty and mostly immovable. :D


Lady A