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I refuse to commit this to memory

I will not look back

you have left me here

bloodied and broken

not knowing, why you did it

why id i try to mask my consent

I know, by now,

I'm a nobody- my name's long gone

escaping the realms of your

memory, forever forgotten

tonight you chose to leave me

a mess

and i feel sorry for us

we were so reckless

not caring who we hurt (each other)

We'll all blame it on hypomanic hormones

but i know i wanted it until

i didn't (the last minute)

I know there is no haven of safety

for me, form me

i am stilll holding out on you

lying my ass off to be kept here

i wish you'd stayed

i wish i didn't bother you

my resentment of myself

stopping me, last minute,

from all i really want,

so afraid of this change: death



you just don't get it

i just want to tell you

i hate you but i can't

i'm weak, can't be happy

why? why? why? why? WHY?

this is my secret habit

a bad habit of giving out

dying, killing myself,

i drain you, you're drowning, i know

i am comfortably crazy

and full of shame

for this year of lies

can't you decide for me?

lie for me?

help me keep it up

and how many times have you told me to "try and stop...

for me?"

and you avoid looking at

why I wear sweaters in

115 degree heat of California summers

and all that i wanted from you

was just for you to lie to me

it makes more sense than

what really happened, right?

Lying to save yourself.. the skin

yoiu live in and let it mold and rot off you..

it explains a lot, right?

hey, is it new?

fresh?

(do you have it yet? have you got it?)

is it some stupid lie i create

for you to believe and throw you

far off how bad i

really am?

yeah, probably.

this is me talking.

(captain to commander.. you are the

o captain my captain to my mr. machuu)

please help me

escape the summer hatred

and pain and torture because

despite this all

my self inflicted rage

i am still the caged beast so

hide your eyes

and never bother at all.

cos really..

we're all empty

like me.