PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I remember there were times while walking to work at salisbury house when I dreaded going to work. Then again it was the only thing I had to look forward to. I remember walking to work looking up to the sky near the airport asking God to just take me already. This was the only stage I was at, and I never really thought of jumping into traffic to be bounced around between the cars. But I always thought to myself well I just wished I could get cancer or something. Lord give me a painless death, cuz if it were not for pain I would have killed myself long ago. I suppose its a blessing that I am somewhat wimpy, and feel like a cry baby when I get a paper cut. I really do believe thats the only thing that saved me was that side of me that can't stand pain. I mean I can take it, but I always thought to myself well you slit your wrists, thats IT!! No turning back! I thought well pills??? I thought well that doesn't sound half bad, but still there is no reverse and what if tomorrow things got better?? What if the next day I met that person?? What if it was in the next week things got better? I don't know that but God does. God knows and I kept thinking well what if I ended it all and things were to get better in the next few minutes? I could never change it, and it's permanent!! This is what kept me going, also just hope was what kept me going.