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Rock Bottom Ugly
Folder:
2013 I sit here
docile on a good day
flaccid on the rest
Feeling rock bottom ugly
messier than I recall
enveloped in
some mental anguish slurry
containing ashes mixed with tears
cementing over weighted eyes
with the perils of doubt, loneliness, and fear
I haven't sunk my feet in active soil for years
these fat stubs wedged within potted plant
replacing even the livliest roots
a self-loathing soul infused with an indistinguishably-putrid
stumbling muck remains
When it comes to the laws of physics
where there's an action
there's an equal but opposite reaction
and if all living things must act and react
how can I accept such indifference
to such disgusting inaction.
How can I ever condone
my insignificance today?
I don't know how this self-inflicted cry for relevance will end
but if I find a path
and a passion that develops a cleansing flame
I'm assured my stubborn ass can excavate something beautiful
where hope can resurface someday
oh man....
not gonna lie the whole poem felt like disconnect thoughts for me, and I felt the sort of anxiety one feels when they have just hit their limit and they are done, burnt out, have nothing left to give and panic about what will happen tomorrow when they are needed. The right before a nervous break down anxiety, mild, almost not even anxious, more just empty and numb but kinda sacred. and then the last line hit me and I realised how I was just projecting all my own emotional shit onto your words, and yes you are right, I need to believe in something unpredictable again!
<3 thanks for the share
Much Love
Ashley
yea i'd say that's a fair
yea i'd say that's a fair assessment of where my mind was when putting this together..really out of sorts, out of rhythm..a lot of random, powerful thoughts but all of them were just embedded in this funk, this goop, almost like a helpless apathy..i know i should be something more than what I am but cannot seem to succeed, can be pretty demoralizing.
I really love that last line..when the world around you feels so staged..or predictable, that can kinda bring up this 'why does it matter, anyway?' vibe for me...but reality snaps back into focus when somebody pleasantly surprises me, can be quite jarring..the last line almost makes this really gloomy read into something nearly hopeful, like 'i've taken these punches but I'm still here dammit, I'm ready for something unpredictable, something I cannot prepare to encounter and hell, it might be fun'
really enjoyed the feedback, thank you :)
:)
oh awesome! well then my dear let me just say you got your emotion across PERFECTLY! and I am glad that something woke you from the funk ;)
Much Love
Ashley
Thank you once again :)
Thank you once again :)
Innui Not Apathy
This poem says well what we ultimately all feel. If you are living hard and fast, it hits you - depression, a down that says what's it for anyway? The place we go when the world stops or a relatinship ends - between various entities, people, jobs, lost property, the past...I have lived this poem many many times - now I think the unpredictable would be hazzardous to my health. The write is fine, the poet expresses innui, thoughtful pause to contemplate the futile austerity of existence ultimately - I dream of incredible wealth and power - does the trick of pulling me back to the mostly mundane surrounding me (tv, news, routine, habit) - allets
:) thank you for the support
:) thank you for the support Allets
...
have you checked out the facebook page Free to Be? you might like it
Much Love
Ashley
nope I've never heard of it,
nope I've never heard of it, i may have to give it a look thanks much