Author Information
Pythia Screams Again!
SCREAMS!
a miniplay by
Noble M. Notas
Scene: a vault filled with treasure. Two priests are playing chess at a table downstage center. Piercing screams are heard coming from beneath the stage.
FIRST PRIEST [annoyed]: Pythia is screaming.
SECOND PRIEST: No kidding. I'm not daft.
FIRST PRIEST: What do you make of it? It's not that time of the month.
SECOND PRIEST: How should I know? Maybe she's high on the gas again, or had too many laurel leaves for breakfast. It's your move.
FIRST PRIEST: We've got to fix that gas leak. She's been drinking a lot lately too.
SECOND PRIEST: From the sacred cellar spigot?
FIRST PRIEST: Cheap red table wine from Athens. Aha, your time is almost up - check!
SECOND PRIEST: Maybe we should lay her off for counseling?
FIRST PRIEST: I don't think so, it would violate the contract with Madame Dragon. So what's your move?
SECOND PRIEST: No problem, I'm blocking you with my bishop.
FIRST PRIEST: Excellent, kiss your Queen good bye!
SECOND PRIEST: Damn!
FIRST PRIEST: Scream on, Pythia! You're bringing me good fortune!
SECOND PRIEST: She's still at it, for crying out loud. What is the meaning of this?
FIRST PRIEST: Wait a minute, wait a minute, maybe we can interpret these screams to answer the U.S. President's question!
SECOND PRIEST: Is peace possible in the Mideast now?
FIRST PRIEST: Right. Checkmate!
SECOND PRIEST: That figures, with all this racket around here. So, what do you think?
FIRST PRIEST; How much tribute has come in from the U.S.?
SECOND PRIEST: I don't know the exact amount, but that stack of U.S. dollars on the skid over there just came in.
FIRST PRIEST: I thought that was from Baghdad or Tel Aviv.
SECOND PRIEST: What's the difference? Sorry, Just kidding!
FIRST PRIEST: Let's check with the auditors and see what's up with the numbers. I'm sure we can come up with something ambiguous enough to suit everyone after taking everything into account. [The piercing screams below grow in intensity] For Pete's sake, could you shut her up?
SECOND PRIEST [gets up, walks upstage, opens up a basement door flush with the stage, and shouts into the basement]: PYTHIA! THAT'S ENOUGH ALREADY! SHUT THE (EXPLETIVE DELETED) UP!
