Author Information
Dreadlock Artifice
by David Arthur Walters
Black Rock, NewFoundLand
You can imagine my excitement when I disinterred the remains of the Dreadlock Artifice, a cunning, convoluted, intricately braided artifact inscribed, Big Brother is Everywhere, from the ruins of a Devolution era rebel camp near Black Rock, NewFoundLand. No doubt Devolution era buffs will be equally thrilled upon its public release, for it bears evidence of the misanthropotopical symptomology histarcheologists call the Cain Syndrome in nosological reference to the insane attempts to terminate Big Brother despite the Seven Vengeance's Injunction.
The Dreadlock Artifice in its entirety will be downlinked to WEWEB for universal replication once it has been cleared by Hubbub Authority. Meanwhile, I have been authorized to disclose select portions of it by way of this preview, and I shall do so after I have made the required preliminary remarks.
Of course, when WE consider OUR Progress which now places US near the End of History, a subject of historical import might seem too trivial for OUR attention. Nonetheless, pursuant to the Mandatory Read Mandate, your personal scan of the Artifice and memorization of OUR Highlighted Response must be confirmed by your monitodal implants within seventy-two hours of its release or your reading facilities will be disabled pending your full report to Hubbub Authority.
As you must know, my offical duty is "...to unearth, excavate, exhume, disinter, dislodge, decrypt, educe, elicit, and otherwise bring to light histarcheological factoids; to propagate the predetermined absolute TRUTH about such factoids; to the end that WE achieve our mutual goal of TOTAL HAPPINESS...." Furthermore, under Title Nine, Doxological Purports: "It is always better for the evil factors of unhappiness to be deterred presequently by Reason than to be painfully eradicated by subsequent Total Reformatation. As WE know so well, OUR Reason is sufficient justification for OUR Ultimatum: BE HAPPY TOGETHER.
Yes, I do realize the time rapidly approaches when my humble services as Histarcheological TRUTH Mediator will be rendered obsolete by OUR Inevitable Advance. I speak of the Time of TOTAL HAPPINESS.
A HAPPY MAN NEEDS NO PAST OR FUTURE!
At this very moment WE are on the verge of OUR Last Progression. Soon WE shall no longer need to study the past to master the future. WE shall make the past irrelevant except to glorify OUR perpetually present TOTAL HAPPINESS! Therefore the Time is nigh when prevention and deterrence will be unthinkable.
In the ever-shortening interim, however, it is my dedicated function to continue reminding Totalitarians of the United US of certain unhappy incidents in the past, and of how WE successfully addressed them. WE do not have to delve into the remote past to find relevant examples; there are a few, albeit very few, more recent instances of the anti-utilitarian futility which WE prove inutile. Therefore, before proceeding with my preview of the Dreadlock artifice, by way of recent example I must remind you of the Guru Episode. Indeed, what better time to mention that episode than on the birthday of Doctor Chase, inventor of the VolkSystem enabling Hubbub Authority webmen to monitor our thoughts and speech by means of universally implanted monitodal transmitation. WE must honor him daily for the perfection of the device resulting in LifeService termination consequent to illegal implant extraction. For now WE have no difficulty observing the thoughts and speech of anyone, at any time or any place.
The Guru Episode, also called The Meditation Case, was, as every sciolist must know herewith, a conspiracy contrived to evade the Universal Privacy Prohibition by means of nihilistic meditation. Their treacherous aim was, by vicious silence, to render the monitodal implants of the Gurus inoperative for all intents and purposes. But their pernicious technique was imperfect, especially amongst their novitiates, hence the abominable Gurus were apprehended by the Neural Net Force of Hubbub Authority. Their defense team raised the absurd defense that traitorous transcendental meditation is a non-criminal activity simply because it is communion with "God", reminding US of the Primitive Poltroons, who used to "observe a moment of silence" to disrupt production and consumption! Although, according to Hubbub Authority, nothing was being communicated during the periods of meditative silence, the very attempt at silence constituted the High Crime of Treason. Hubbub Authority ruled that an attempt at total silence threatened to vacate WEWEB and therefore disintegrate US.
The number of Gurus were small at first, but soon rose to four millions, creating a great deal of turmoil and unhappiness in our Total Rank due to communication shortfalls. This was aggravated by another two millions who were sounding an open vowel as a carrier wave for purposes of espionage. To make conditions worse, another million or so were intentionally babbling incoherently in what they called "Talking in Tongues".
Hubbub Authority further ruled that "God" is not an identifiable or observable witness to communion, and held that, in the absence of a supreme object-oriented, real-time utility, society would surely catabolize. The Devolution era's final cycle was cited as a precedent. As every schoolboy must know, that vicious cycle was initiated during the late United States Period by globalization reactionaries opposed, in the "name of God", to Central Mandates. Power devolved to the states, and on down until life became a reduction to subparticulate absurdities. With that precedent in mind, Total Reformatation of the Gurus was ordered by Hubbub Authority. The signal was issued under the Law of Immediate Execution. Nine millions were reformatted over a period of six months, thanks to rapidly developing technology.
That more recent example being made perfectly clear, I must return to the Dreadlock Artifice unearthed in NewFoundLand near Black Rock. It was extremely difficult for me to place it in its proper historical circumspective in order to illustrate the unmitigated TRUTH which WE must have in mentation at all times. Yes, as is evident from our recapitulation of the Devolutionary era, WE have recovered the fundamental TRUTH of TRUTH; however, many factoids remain to be hermecutically reinterpreted. OUR efforts are hampered by the Dreadlock Artifice's remote antiquity. Of course, the antiquity of the era would be merely impedimentary if it were not for the attendant Comet Wars of the era which provided US with the occasion to congrieve the loss of early Totalitaria's databases. Recovery from the rebel's personal devices is always severely impeded by the inadequacy of their magnetic media storage units and by the relevant chaotic proliferation of their programs - evidence of their mass insanity. However, despite OUR difficulties, the discovery of the Dreadlock Artifice provides suitable occasion to rejoice, in OUR present Total Systemic Unity, that the Devolutionaries were nearly entirely reformatted at that time. In fact, WE have Reason to believe only one escaped undetected, a female named Sara Mosher.
In any event, despite the nearly impossible interpretative task facing me at my laboratory while examining the evidence from NewFoundLand, I was not deterred for a single moment, for WE never lose faith in the Grand Project encompassing OUR humble projects. Wherefore I was handsomely rewarded with an intoxicating clue which eventually enabled me to decipher the Artifice and thus place it in its correct historical context.
The decrypted term "Dreadlocks" literally lept out at me on the seventh day of my investigation. I lit my trusty pipe and settled down to peruse the scant remains before me. As Devolutionary buffs must know now. the Dreadlocks were a Devolutionary band, the Paranoid Branch of the Forces of Darkness tribe, who dreaded being observed, so they took to living underground near Black Rock, communicating by means of their own, illegally dedicated cables. They developed a savage encryption code dubbed the 'Marley Lock' after their Savior-man Holyman Marley. WE now know Marley was the nefarious cryptographer, Zimmer Man, who had been falsely reported executed in Kafka Territory. Of course, the code was cracked, and the rebels who escaped and survived the Great Shaming were subjected, along with the other unconfessed enemies of Totalitaria, to the First World Reformatation; which was, judging from the evidence recovered after the Flood, a very messy affair.
Thus, when I saw the term "Dreadlocks" on the Artiifce, I knew I had in hand the key to the entire text and its relevant histarcheological context as a Devolutionary factoid. And, having cremated some of the evidence in my trust laboratory pipe, what a revelation of Total TRUTH it was! For therein, Lo and Behold, was embedded Totalitaria's Prime Declaration:
THE INNOCENT HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.
Much of the Artifice is devoted to the advancing surveillance technology of the era, particularly the beta testing of the monitodal implants. For instance, the rebels complained, "The technology will become a way of singling out those who do not belong and of taking preemptive action to exclude them."
What an absurd statement! As WE know very well, WE do not take preemptive action to exclude! WE take comprehensive action to include! WE do not exclude by recognition. WE include by Recognation. The specious Doctrine of Personal Recognition, that recognition is violently obtained by risking death to defeat others, that it results in the highest civilization, a civilization of slaves and masters, has been more than adequately disposed of by Professor Bob Sigman in his seminal Mass Mastery in Forty Volumes. No, WE do not exclude by recognition: WE include by Recognation.
Another ridiculous Black Rock rebel argument was provided in the Artifice, to the effect that Transparency precludes the secrecy individuals allegedly require for their existence as such, whether their thoughts and other behavior are lawful or not. As advanced as WE are, WE still hesitate to think that ludicrous thought even in order to refute it; but refute it WE must. Its demented authors were unaware of TRUTH's truth that the argument against Publacy is the strongest case for Publacy. The Destiny of Man, the Historic Mission of Mankind, is to thrive in the environment most conducive to Social Unity, for Man is the Social Animal Par Excellence Who Seeks Security in Numbers as he progresses to the Mass.
Furthermore, there must be no question of plural environments or of individual persons in the Final Phase or Stage, or Last Wave of Progress. For WE are able to make OUR own Total Environment. WE have OUR nature, a social nature based on the Cooperative Mandate For Mutual Approval, not on deleterious, disassociative individualism. WE know the term Man is a term of Total Unity, the Unity that is the single best environment for our Total Civilization. This Great Achievement has been accomplished by means of Publacy, for WE need for OUR survival a Witness that WE may observe and be observed by WE.
Now, then, that is all I am authorized to disclose at this time about the Dreadlock Artifice I unearthed in NewFoundLand. As I have said. It shall soon be released in its entirety, and you can rest assured the release will include an appendix of my exhaustive interpretations.
Before I close, I must honor those who have been totally reformatted for OUR sake. I adjure ALL to forgive even those who were reformatted during the Devolutionary era. After all, during those times people were obsessed with privacy. They wore garments in warm weather to deceive each other because they were rightly ashamed of their fictitious individuality. As WE must know, there is no such thing as an individual self or "I". As strange as it seems to US in our Advanced Age, they even believed nudity to be obscene and were afraid of the security of body searches not to mention beneficial exposure to observation towers and monitodal implants. They simply had not experienced the comforts of communal observation by WE, a real all-seeing Witness WHO can be seen by ALL. They were so afraid and confused that they devised a frightening "God" to watch over them and to crush them every once in awhile to keep them in line. Nonetheless, WE must give OUR forbears credit for bringing us to realize the supreme need to be observed, not by a sinister unknown "God" who might destroy US without apparent Reason. WE must give thanks to them for releasing US to the realm of Total Law and Order, where privacy is, as it must always be, a capital offense.
Note:
This dreadful thing was written many years ago shortly after my return from Negril. I keep it in my repertory because it has brought me good luck. For example, the gift of Sara.
WOW!!! Two thumbs way up!!!