Author Information
Jealousy
Folder:
Poems Knock! Knock!
Knock! Knock!
“Come in!
“The door’s open!”
(Mistake one)
“Are you sure?”
The voice calls through the door.
I ignore the gut feeling,
eating at me,
telling me not to answer the door.
Not to let the person in.
Like the idiot
I am,
I answer it.
“Yeah, sure!
Come right on in!
I am a little busy,
But make yourself comfortable!”
(Mistake two)
I hear the door open.
My hands are tied with so many things,
that I barely notice my guest.
I keep my hands in knots,
preoccupying my time with meaningless,
senseless,
things
to rid the void in my heart
from the lack of my family life.
“So how are you?”
The unknown guest calls from inside the living room.
“Bored as usual.
You?”
(Mistake three)
The guest begins to go on
and on
about how he and his family
are having an amazing time.
I hear the laughing.
I hear the talkative chatter.
I hear the sounds of their fun.
Their happiness.
Their joy.
The noise.
It engulfs me.
Swallows me whole.
I open my ears to,
finally,
hear
the voice of my guest.
It is Butch.
A sweetheart.
I close my eyes and listen his voice,
listen to the laughter,
listen to his joy,
get over whelmed by his piece.
But what I turn and see is not
Butch.
It’s something worse.
It is the green-eyed monster.
Sickly green scales.
Grotesque yellow-toothed grin.
It twisted and contorted into every negative
energy
and emotion
in the book.
But it seems friendly to me,
and now the sounds sicken me.
I hate them.
I hate him.
I hate Butch.
He is out having the time of his
life!
And I…
I am hear,
locked up in my own little whole,
trying to find a scapegoat,
trying to find an outlet,
trying to find peace,
trying to find me.
Who I am.
Who am I?
Forget it!
I know the answer to that.
What I don’t know the answer it…
is why am I in the sink whole
that I am in now.
Why is my family so broken?
Why won’t it fix?
Why won’t it heal?
Why won’t it let me heal?
Why do I feel alone,
even surrounded by others?
I let the green-eyed monster take over completely…
but when it does….
I feel…
sad…
lonely…
unloved…
I don’t hate him.
I don’t hate Butch.
I envy his life style.
I envy how his family may
be broken,
but fixed.
Torn,
but together.
Apart,
but so close.
I miss that feeling….
I used to have it….
I used to feel that….
I miss that…
so…
MUCH!
I HATE MY LIFE NOW!
I WANT TO LIVE HIS!
I WANT TO BE HIM!
JUST ONCE!
JUST FOR ONE DAY!
THE LOVE HE GETS!
THE LOVE HE FEELS!
I WANT IT!
I WANT TO SWITCH WITH HIM!
BUT!
But…
am I truly willing to let him live my life?
Let him feel the pain that I go through
Each!
And every!
Day!?
….
No,
I am not willing to do that to such a sweet,
sweet
boy.
….
Thank you green-eyed monster.
You have taught my something today.
That you may envy others just that slightest,
just so long as you do not let it consume
you.
So thank you,
my green-eyed miscreant.
I truly appreciate your company,
but now you must leave.
No are no longer welcome
in the home
of my mind.
Farewell.
Safe travels.
