PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Here I sit as the world turns
wondering why

they said she came into this world
in the spring of eighty three
I was off in other part's of the world
carrying a M-16
for unknown reason's there were lie's told
an secrets kept
to me there were no words said
I traveled far an wide fighting for what I thought was right
never once did I back down
the fear of dying was a small thing
after all what had I to leave behind
there were whispers in the wind
but when others asked of questions that they had
there was only the shaking of heads
I went on with life after the government set me free
but I continued fight for the things I thought were right
in the beginning of summer of the year of eighty nine
into this world came my son
my first born child or at least that was the way the story
had been told
the time had come for me to settle down
to plant roots an bury them deep for I loved my son more
than life an never was he to be like me
I grew up with a dad but I never knew who my father was
an even though I was loved by dad I always wondered why
my father had not
I watched my baby grow into a little boy I picked him up
when he would fall dust him off an wipe away the tears
then send him back out into his little world
with a grin he'd be off again
there was a love between us that was plain for all to see
it was that love that glued our hearts back together
an kept each other from falling completely apart
for when he was seven we stood side by side watching the people
walk by
they left flowers an said kind words an when the day was done
we sent his mother to heaven the way he wanted to remember
I watched as he grew into the man always knowing if needed I was there
now it's me he watches with the love only a son can have
the doctors say I can no longer do the things I have always done
an he's here to see I play by their rules so I can watch as he raises
a son
once again there's whispers in the wind that of a daughter
I never knew
is she or is she not the question that people ask
why now after all these years? what is it she wants? oh fucking people
can be so cruel
the only question in my mind the only fears that I have
is if she could forgive an old man for the things that she never had
even though she's had a dad she's search for the truth of who her father was
will she understand that if I am this man that the were lies told an secrets kept
from both of us and if I'd only known There would of been no question of who I was !
I know the anger of not knowing, I know the turmoil of emotions that it can cause
will she believe that I would never willingly put anyone through that
the thoughts run wild in my head
she's heard the stories told about me for where this all started
is a mighty small town
when she looks at me now will she be disappointed
I once cut a swath far an wide I had the world by the tail
now I'm a old man with nothing but a bad heart and the unconditional love
of a Son an two faithful dogs
and twenty eight years of nothing, that could break this heart
no memories of the day she was born , the first time I would of held her in my hands
I wasn't there to change diapers , to see her smile at the goofy things a father does
we missed the first steps that would of been together
the first bike , the skinned up knees her first fish, time spent doing nothing
but watching clouds go by
the first boyfriend I'd of taught the fear of god was nothing to what I would do
the broken hearts , the walk down the isle
the love I would of had.....
these are all memories we never had
with no way to get them back
I need no tests to tell me the feelings I have
we have talked to one another on the phone sometime this spring we plan
to get together my son calls her his older sister
he tries to comfort an old man that for the first time has no clue what to do
I cannot fix the past but most of all I don't want her to be hurt anymore
no matter how this is answered I want to be their even if just friends
I don't want to be the wrong answer or a disappointment to who her father Is
so here I sit
as the world turns
wondering why

~ DD ~