Satellites Mistaken for Stars

Blankets in backyards

Hooded sweatshirts begin to replace bathing suits

Connecticut becomes cold at night this time of year

Stars shining bright what seems like an arm's reach away

We would try to catch them like fireflies in a jar

If our hands weren't already occupied holding each other so close

We weren't even sure if they were actually stars

There would be more validity in labeling these dazzling dots

"satellites"

or

"airplanes"

or

Perhaps even

"guardian angels"

Watching down on us to prevent our fragile hearts from shattering on the bitter soil

We have been good friends for what seems like forever

Nothing less...Nothing more

Three years younger than me but still managed to offer some of the best advice to ever enter through my ears

Just one leaf remains on the tree in your neighbor's yard

Dangling like a daredevil until it eventually falls to its fatality and joins its perished comrades below

I've had these locked up feelings for you for quite some time now

Afraid of exposing the truth in fear of how you would react

I momentarily forget about my girlfriend waiting for my call three towns away

I've liked you before I even knew that other girl existed

Ergo

This wouldn't be considered cheating in my mind

We still gaze up at the "stars"

But begin to stare more at each other as well

Close friends cuddling never meant any harm

Your fingernails kept gliding

Up and Down

My back

Perhaps to show your affection for me

Or maybe because you thought I had an itch there

Possibly you saw a mosquito on my back that I didn't happen to feel

The world is spinning but time stands still

My heart is palpitating as I lick my chapped lips

I slowly caress your cheek and maneuver in for a taste of your breath

But your cell phone abruptly rings

Ring tone of choice:

"Swing, Swing" by the All American Rejects  

Wondering to myself if you can help me "find a way to carry on again"

Apparently it was your mother who had called

Well that's what you told me anyways

Even though I heard the screeching voice of a prepubescent boy on the other line

You grab the blanket and flee to your backdoor

Vanishing in your cozy home while leaving me alone to freeze in a frigid field of fallen dreams

The last leaf falls off of that tragic tree as you slam the door

The first tear fell from my eye and creates a man-made pond on your property

To sink or swim?

That is the question...

As in my own failed visions I begin to dismally drown



...It's been approximately eleven months since that autumn evening

I still think of you as I look up to those pseudo stars in the shimmering sky

I need to know what thoughts were traveling around in your mind that night

What you were thinking

How you were feeling

I need to know if you were holding me close to ignite the flame of our future and love

Or if you were merely a leech

A poisonous parasite if you must

Stealing my cherished warmth for your own selfish survival

In between the chattering of your teeth

I could have sworn I heard you say those three blissful words

But it could have simply been the wind

The soon to be leafless trees whisper my name once again

Just as they did a year ago

Inviting me to return back to the wicked woods and frigid fields of your backyard for yet another match...



...Maybe it was merely the breeze

...Hopefully is was only you

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