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Bus #49
Confused about my whereabouts
Like a crow left of the murder
The battery in my inexpensive plastic watch has abruptly perished
Time is standing still
My achromatic and exanimate corpse remains seated at the right hand of the Father
Six rows back...sitting next to a frigid, vacant silence
My wakeless cranium remains unweary and placid, resting on the back of the uncomfortable brown seat
Gazing out of my window of opportunity as we travel at speeds exceeding infinity miles per hour
There she is
As lustrous as a white, clean, innocent, pure bar of Dove soap
As resplendent and peaceful as a funeral flower in the scabrous seat in front of mine
Comfortably rested in her utopia, while I'm forever free-falling in my endless abyss
Her name still remains a question, yet somehow is engraved in my tainted thoughts
Engrossed in the fragmented persona of my uncoordinated mind
The gold, yellow, and tan streaks of her satin hair bring color and life to my pallid face
I attempt to envision her face in my vacant mind
Seeing only my opaque omega and my atrocious mistakes of the past
I manage to catch a glimpse of her mysterious figure in the bus driver's rear-view mirror
I see perfection...I see my future...I see God
Her silken eyelashes fluttering like the wings on an angel
Palpitating like my rapidly beating heart
A sea of surreal thoughts traveling around in my now agile mind
My debilitated heart beating uncontrollably, emancipated from its cage that once restrained it back
My frigid sweat pouring down like the rainstorm beyond the horizon
I yearn for the sweet taste of her bubble gum lips and candy apple smile
My lips attempt to sever the stitches that hold them shut, but the struggle is unendurable
As if I were a fish without water, gasping for its last breath
I strain to lift my lumbering wings to fly to the seat in front of mine
Next to the angel
But my broken wings have not yet healed
I try to progress forward, but I wretchedly realize that my chastised chains are holding me back
Trapped, caged, and misunderstood
I remain seated
I remain silent
Another day, another struggle, and another missed opportunity to glisten in the glorious light of God
The silence that has filled this little yellow bus has left me defeated yet another time
None of these animatronic characters can hear my inaudible screams
A toxic tear rapidly rolls down my cheek...then another...followed by a tumult thunderstorm
I begin to drown in my own acid ocean of tears; drown in the sorrow of forever being alone
The bloodstained bus comes to an abrupt stop, hydroplaning on my obscure tears that I had left to evaporate on the dispiriting ground
I wipe the condensation off my window and read the graffiti infested sign
"Welcome To The Middle of Nowhere, Welcome to the Center of Your Heart"
The angel rises and departs my life
"Goodbye", I shout out extemporaneously
She turns to me, with a discombobulating look on her face
Quite embarrassed, yet confused at the same time
My arid eyes are glued to her as she enters Heaven's glistening gate and vanishes into the foggy, dark distance
Where her exquisite body once rested, the seat is now empty and cold, just like my despondent life
Then I ask myself, "Why say goodbye if you never even said hi?"
No matter where I turn, all I see are the grotesque shades of gray
Each emotional sword stabs my back and slashes my suffering soul
Well here I am
Just another crow left of the murder
Living in Another Day, Another Shade of Gray
Will never truly be liberated from my rusty cage
...It's been about a year now
Her fluorescent face still imprinted in my pillaged mind
The streetlights have burned out and all the stop signs have been confiscated
Left alone in "The Middle of Nowhere"
Forever lost in "The Center of My Heart"
Breathing life through a dead bird
Hopelessly trying to rescue what can never be saved...
