Author Information
This Thing
Why am I like this?
What is wrong with my brain?
Why, why why can't I
just be like everyone else?
How come
I had to be the one who has this brain dysfunction?
This thing
that gets in the way of my speech
This thing that hinders my learning
This thing
This thing
that makes me different
Everyone knew that something was amiss
as I was walked out of class every week
to this room filled with board games
and this woman with white hair would just talk to me
talk to me about how I was doing
talk to me about how my day was
talk to me
about nothing
As I got older,
the talking kept going and the red stamp of DIFFERENT stayed on my head
The word "Resource class" was all that the other kids need to know that I was different
they didn’t know what it meant
they lumped me with the ADHD, Autism, dyslexia
they looked down their noses and ignored
ignored the stuttering girl who couldn't get out the answer fast enough
ignored the stuttering girl when asked to spend time with them
ignored
her.
The psychologists tested
test and tested trying to figure out the difference
tested and tested until there was no new information
there was only
"she is has some form of a learning disability".
Questions always spiraling
wondering what I have
why I stutter?
why I can't get my ideas out fast enough?
why I can't organize my thoughts?
why
why
why
I just repressed
and
hid
hid my difference
pushed it deep down hoping it will just go away
hoping that one day I would wake up and I will be
smart
articulate
confident
College I repressed my past
I told no one about the thing that brought on so much anger and resentment
the past that made me question myself
question my intelligence
question my worth
question
However, this
thing
has become a strength
My questioning and innovation
makes me unique
My stuttering makes me think before I speak
My brain
which has caused so much upset
makes me who I am
makes me
ME
I like this!
I like this!
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