And they clothed him with purple, and platted a crown of thorns,
and put it about his head, And began to salute him, Hail, King of
the Jews! And they smote him on the head with a reed, and did
spit upon him, and bowing their knees worshipped him.
---Mark 15:17-19
Of course, Lady Asinia was right---
not just because she is Lord Pilate's wife:
the fun we had was hard brutality,
emerging from an inward cruelty
to take it out upon a helpless man.
Perhaps we should make an apology---
oh yes, I mean it---humble and contrite,
before she turns a temporary fuss
into a major issue. Yes, she can
bring lasting difficulties to your life.
I have heard: Emperor Tiberius
has a schoolboy crush on her, some years
now: he thought her fine beauty to be a
likeness to that of young Vipsania.
The implications of this prove my fears
are not groundless; and these we must discuss.
Refined she is, gentle, often barefoot,
yet such a foe might effortlessly put
you on a cross (as, not a citizen,
you would die just like all the other men
that we have slain). So take some time to think.
We need some means by which we shall recover
good standing, rather than fall from the brink
when she raises worse than a monkey's stink
with that intolerant old fart who loves her.
Starward
[jlc]
Author's Notes/Comments:
This poem proposes an original hypothesis, that Pilate's wife, mentioned in Matthew 27, was Asinia, the grandchild of Vipsania Agrippina, the first wife, and sole beloved, of the Emperor Tiberius. Their divorce was compelled by Tiberius' stepfather, the first emperor, Augustus, for dynastic reasons and at the instigation of Tiberius' mother, Lavinia. Tiberius and Vipsania, married in their teens, had shared an extraordinarily beautiful relationship, living modestly apart from the politics of the court. Tiberius, whom some believed had been slightly autistic in his early years, had only two ambitions: to become a great scholar of Greek poetry and to love, and live with, Vipsania. However, Greek poetry and passion for Vipsania interfered with Lavinia's imperial ambitions for her last, surviving son.
When Asinia died in her sleep, in 20A.D., Tiberius is believed to have attended the funeral (although I would pity the servant who would have had to break the news of her passing to him). Her grandchild, Asinia, then fifteen years old, was approached by Tiberius who told her that she looked exactly like her grandmother did at the time they had married. The implications of this, for a man of Tiberius' power, must have been sorely tempting, but, to the best of our knowledge, he never again approached her or bothered her in any way.
As emperor, Tiberius paid great attention to detail. It is said that he knew, to the penny, the amount of imperial funds in each province, and that, being alone, he spent most of his waking hours reviewing reports and examining balance sheets. Roman administrative policy directed that prefects of imperial provinces (those that were considered politically volatile and not "peaceful") could not be accompanied by spouse or children, or other close relatives. Yet, Pilate's wife is not only present with him in Jerusalem (rather than staying behind at the permanent residence in Caesarea), she also, boldly, advises him in regard to the trial of Jesus. Considering the transparency demanded by Tiberius from his administrative staff, the presence of Pilate's wife could not have been unknown to him. Only one person in all of Rome would have had both the ability and the audacity to obtain from Tiberius an exception to Roman admistrative procedure: Asinia.
