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The Lonely Flower
Found in a washroom hung to dry
Your mind so weak not a tear to cry
Falling into the depth of destruction
Your crumbling base in need of reconstruction
Unable to speak of the evil within
The lies, the deceit. the need to sin
The need to chase the demon of desire
Is something no one should acquire
A flower not blossomed sat in the sun
Wondering why it has never won
The environment around so perfect for glory
But the flower wants to write its own sad story
Crying out for a better situation
But you can’t stray from deviation
The beauty within cannot be found
Because on the outer edge nothing is sound
The lonely flower will never be content
Until morals are found and willpower is cement
Crying out for a better situation
wow this is a great write. you have some must passion in your writing, i can't wait to read more.
Keep up the great work
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Hey this is good, but the two
Hey this is good, but the two 'weak' lines are either too close or too similar perhaps a different word for weak for one of them eg 'your base crumbling, or 'your feeble base ' not very god examples though lol! ;) perhaps you will find much better ones :)
The line 'still the flowers / flower's is the dullest of knives'. This is a little difficult to understand, I get the intention of the line but it doesn't quite make Sense. it seems to veer to a different topic or idea before the first part of the line is resolved. I think the rhyme is what throws it out abit I would rather see a poetic un rhymed or semi rhymed word instead (rather than try to make a rhyme fit). Or if not perhaps 'but the fower's is dull and full of strife!'. A good online dictionary or thesaurus always helps me out.
Other than that I love the ideas in the poem! It is very well constructed with most of the imagery. the poem is real and serious in nature and I really love the lines from 'crying out to the word content. Until her morals are found and will power cement', great lines!
Keep writing I'm looking forward to more. Hope you don't mind my opinions, but just to make it clear I'm no expert either, so feel free to disregard it. As long as you are happy with it, that's what really matters :) cheers SS
Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS
"Well, it's love, but not as we know it."
A very impressive work of
A very impressive work of art: it has an amazing intricacy of thought that floats beautifully from one line to the next. Love it.