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What the fuck am I living for ?
I can't answer that anymore,
I hate myself for being shy,
I hate the world, full of lies,
No one sees I want to speak,
Straining to say something unique,
Fighting with myself constantly,
I can't explain, honestly,
This genetic contradiction,
This frustrating constriction.

Depression brought on by a trigger,
Shoots in fast, then grows bigger,
Or sometimes sneaks in from behind,
Locks me in where I'm confined,
But try to fight,
In hope that I might,
Win joy back with love or reason -
But when I have neither, I'm always beaten.

There's nothing for me here,
No one there to dry my tear,
Always alone,
I hate being on my own.
These thoughts have been here so long,
Now listen to my final song.

Finally you will see,
I want to put an end to me,
Don't suddenly start to pretend to care now,
I want to die and this is how,
Cut my arms to shreds,
Leave the veins hanging like threads,
Let the passage of blood flow,
Like my time, dripping slow.

As I start to wonder what they'll think,
A tidal wave of red floods the sink,
Over the white, turning pink,
Then colours swirl around my eyes,
Through the mask of my disguise,
Then the room fades to black.

This time I hope I won't be back;
Failed attempts in the past,
Are long forgotten, fading fast,
My eyes roll up and the lids close,
So little air from through my nose,
I open my mouth,
Tasting the copper all over the towels,
But what's it to me?
After this pain my soul'll be free.

The stinging, throbbing, slows every second,
Like my heartbeat,
Here comes more pain - I scrunch up my feet,
But soon it'll cease completely,
If only this happened more discreetly.

I silently weep at the trouble I've made,
And at the fact I think I'm afraid,
Of death,
But too late - I can't feel my breath,
Anymore,
I slip on the blood that's flooding the floor,
Covered in copper and I deplore,
What's happened,
As vision blackens.

Life unsticks and slowly leaves me,
I just wish they had initially believed me,
When I said I was capable,
Cos the end is now inescapable.

And in the seconds before I'm gone,
I think of those few people that do care,
"What have I done?!",
But its too late,
This is my fate,
I always thought suicide would be the death of me,
I just wish I had wrote a note,
A thank you and goodbye,
And explanation why,
But now these thoughts that underlie,
Vanish from existence, as I die.

But wait - I hear mum outside, waiting to come in,
Shes banging on the door, her patience is wearing thin,
I can barely hear her calling me, senses are failing,
Regret and shame fill my stomach and head,
For her to come in and find me dead,
It's not how things should have been,
To find her son dead at fifteen.