Author Information
The Cocky Coackroach
He woke up, went to his balcony and shouted “filthy peasants!” from his eleventh floor penthouse “shut the hell up!” a loud answer from one of the lower floors came back. He didn’t care; he played some Nickelback and poured himself an Irish coffee, not holding himself on the whiskey.
Chad the cockroach, the most hated being on Insectlandia, had been stomped a thousand times, flushed through the bathroom, ran over by a double-decker bus twice and not a scratch on his wings. He held the world record for outliving most disasters, and the world record most times kicked out of a city.
Chad lived on his own, he had no friends whatsoever, he outlived his family (which he didn’t appreciate a lot), and was okay with all of this. He just needed himself, he didn’t think about no one else, he didn’t want any kids, and his only goal in life was to be sprayed with Raid by Vladimir Putin only to prove he was invincible.
The day continued, as a normal day; after his first drink he watched some TV, same old, same old, then he tried to continue writing his novel called ‘How to survive 20 stomps, and then 40 more’ but as every other day he just wrote a sentence and went to find some sugar out town. At the local store everyone knew him as the drunken douche bag, but he didn’t even notice anyone. At the end of the day, as usual, he drank himself to sleep, continuously repeating “I am not alone if I have me, I am not alone if I have me”, and so on.
Chad woke up the next day from a profound sleep with a massive head ache, he rolled over to the other side of the bed to get some sugar water, but there was nothing on the side of the bed. He could not believe what he was seeing. He went to his balcony to check things out, but there stood a big lump of nothing. The whole city was in flames and he could see what once his neighbors were, now were ashes. Still with his silk tiger print pajamas on he screamed to the top of his lungs from the balcony. In that moment he heard from the city speakers: “ The world has got out of orbit and we are approaching the sun at a rapid rate, please get together with your loved ones and see you on the other si….” now there was no sound. Chad slept through the whole thing. The cockroach who could endure everything was now the only living thing in the whole blackness of a planet, Chad was it.
