Half Mast Part 1


(PRIOR)


I'm a bunch of interconnected cracks masquerading as a glass half full

trying to hold the weight of my world on shoulders made of porcelain

trying to soothe pains alone by whispering sweet nothings

Can nothings make any gain?

Can a placebo soothe my pain?

Unrelenting positivity and unrestrained imagination 

With which I dreamt of the world where that would be enough to secure a future worth fighting for

It is only a mere fleeting daydream as my subconscious is more aware and awake than I am. 

 

(5 YEARS LATER)


I can't entirely dream like that anymore

those concepts slowly become more synonymous with the imagination of a child not yet exposed to the harsh cruelty of humanity

the underbelly of society we hide behind clothes that scream affluence and affinity

The Grieco-Romana masks we hide behind

The intricate lies we perform theatrically for the world to observe

The true life tragedies we perform for no one but the walls and a mirror

The dreams I used to have prior are confined to the daydreams I try to escape to

The nectar of truth and it's bitter taste not of ambrosia but of despair

When fought, the world forces you to subdue


My R.E.M. has been modified by personal experiences and things I have seen. 

Things that can dull the sharpest minds and make the brightest learners less keen. 

Now in a state of self-preservation, the goal switches from unrestrained happiness and the abdication of horror

Now I want to survive so that I can tell my sad tale once again to my mirror

 

(10 YEARS LATER)


I can outlive the hate

I can outlast the injustice

I can outfight the cage they made me build around myself

I can't forget what happened 


As I see these repeats in a cycle in my young life, then  I realize 

Positivity, earnestness, and sanguineness

These concepts are dead, wretched from my soul and have been skinned to form the coat currently hung on me. 

And truthfully I am ashamed to say they died fast

 

These are the ideals of a young man with his hopes hung at half mast

Author's Notes/Comments: 

New series I'm working on. Comments are always highly appreciated 

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J9thxciv's picture

This poem is too profound to

This poem is too profound to absorb at a single reading.  As soon as I think I understand one of the phrases, another one alters the perception.  Most poems appear as finished units.  This poem is fascinating in that it seems to be pulling itself together while being read.  That is a really excellent approach. 


J9thxciv (Januarian)

[* /+/ ^]

Ceeclod's picture

This comment has made my

This comment has made my entire day brighter. Thank you for that. I'll write more using this approach because of your praise. The interconnectedness of the verses while also being standalone pieces is exactly what I was going for. Glad you liked it.