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Is This Suicide?
Folder:
Pain/Ilness Complete lack of concern anymore
has me numb
and longing for release.
I do everything I'm not supposed to,
rebelling against the beast,
throwing caution to hell,
as I blow cigarette smoke in its face for fun,
just to piss it off.
Have I lost the ability to fight this?
Have I given up and given in,
too weak to do the battle anymore?
Have I become too tired to give a **** of its outcome?
A malevolent,
self-loathing mindset has me consumed
and too weary to beat off the insecurities,
for they outnumber that which is secure.
The needed pills fall by the wayside,
un-refilled,
not even caring if they slide down my throat anymore,
for they only put off the inevitable
and prolong this agony.
So I am left to ponder,
to wonder at my actions of disregard-
Is this an utter disdain of hope,
an absence of self-preservation?
And I'm pressed to ask
...Is this suicide?
