Damn disease...
As I sit here
my chest constricts in agony.
Trying to put it out of my mind
I write this
But its so ever present.
'It' something you will have to
get use to." The doctors say.
I shall never grow 'accustomed' to this pain!
NEVER!
My heart hurts in the actual sense
the physical sense
not the poetic sense.
There...another one...
its like someone is twisting my heart
with hands of fire!!
Some days...only a few...other days..
ongoing till I can't see through this haze of tears!!!
Like today.
Since I went to bed last night
actually.
Imagine going to sleep...
waking up hours later
and you are STILL in the throes
of a painful attack?
It has no mercy.
I'm resigned to it.
Am I losing the fight?
How much longer till
a person gives up?
Another....
'Its not a heart attack' I'm told.
Fine...then what is it
and why can't you make it stop?
All these pills I take and nothing
seems to touch this pain.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Still....another...
it'll never end.
And yet....it is only one
of the MANY pains I suffer
daily.
Damn Disease!
I hate it! I curse it!
I despise it!
2002