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Damn disease...

As I sit here

my chest constricts in agony.

Trying to put it out of my mind

I write this

But its so ever present.

'It' something you will have to

get use to." The doctors say.

I shall never grow 'accustomed' to this pain!

NEVER!



My heart hurts in the actual sense

the physical sense

not the poetic sense.



There...another one...



its like someone is twisting my heart

with hands of fire!!

Some days...only a few...other days..

ongoing till I can't see through this haze of tears!!!

Like today.

Since I went to bed last night

actually.

Imagine going to sleep...

waking up hours later

and you are STILL in the throes

of a painful attack?

It has no mercy.

I'm resigned to it.

Am I losing the fight?

How much longer till

a person gives up?



Another....



'Its not a heart attack' I'm told.

Fine...then what is it

and why can't you make it stop?

All these pills I take and nothing

seems to touch this pain.

Nothing.

Nothing.



Still....another...

it'll never end.

And yet....it is only one

of the MANY pains I suffer

daily.



Damn Disease!

I hate it! I curse it!

I despise it!



2002