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Please let me in,

Because I forgot my vodka down there,

And I left my cigs to but I can't remember where,

I just can't live without my Voddie.

Haha. What am I saying?

I'm already a gonnie.

It's hard to keep reminding yourself that you're dead,

Does this mean that I'll never get Me Julie to give me head?

Shit. Nah. Seriously?

Can't you have sex?

Not even a bit? What is there instead?

Fuckin' flowers and angels?

And eternal peace?

What about my Staff, Snoop Dogg?

Does he have to stay on his leash?

Yeah? Nah. Nah. Fuck that.

Yah know what?

The more I hear about this place I don't wanna go,

I've not been that good anyway I'm 80 and still getting giro.

Is there Voddie down there?

And a couple of E's?

I'd rather chill wiv Lucifer,

You're a bunch of pansies.

Yeah I'm bad.

Too bad for your place.

You'd all be fucking scared.

I gotta TN cap and fuckin' shaved hair.

I nicked a car once, too,

Cause I'm proper fuckin' hard,

And I can't go to The Church anymore,

Cause I fucking got barred.

Wasn't my fault,

The barman was a gay, innit?

But he lamped me one when I asked him,

And so it ain't my fault I got that ASBO 'cause when I stabbed him he deserved it.

What do you mean I ain't bad enough for Hell?

Just fucking listen to my CV!

I'm the fuckin' boss of Manchester,

No other fucker is badder than me!

I ain't goin' in there, Pete mate,

It ain't my kinda scene...

What?

You didn't tell me that mate.

You didn't tell me they had peaches and cream!