Claimed

Laying in bed my body

Held tight to His

As we drift off to sleep



His warm breath soft on my back

His arm draped over my side

Pulling me in close to Him



Just as sleep claims me

He slides His hand

Between my legs



His fingers entering me

As He bites my shoulder

Waking me with the pleasure and pain



Pulling me closer

His hips grind against me

The sounds of His moans fill my ear

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S74RW4RD's picture

This is powerful, but the last two stanzas could become even more powerful if you remove the "ing" suffix (I think it is called the gerund) and allow the verbs to be direct and present tense. This does several things: it allows the verbs to be parallel to "slides" in the third stanza and to "bites" in the fourth, therefore making the action more direct and consistent; and it brings attention to each of the actions as a separate part of the process of pleasure. This is a great poem; hence, I make these suggestions---which are not meant as criticism. I never make suggestions on a poem I do not respect, and I respect this poem---and the poet---very much.


Starward