Author Information
Instant Blue Ribbon – Just Add Salt Water (A Pisstaiku)
Folder:
Humor So you’ve been hanging round this site for a while
Wondering what makes all the people cry or smile
But what is irritating and bugging you the most
Are the judging skills of the almighty hosts
* * *
Well then, let me give you this advice
On how to succeed not once, but thrice
Just follow these simple rules of style
And soon you’ll be grinnin’ a blue ribbon smile
* * *
The first rule is that of metered rhyme
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
You see, it’s not substance that counts
So listen carefully to what I announce
* * *
Just package your poem in an aesthetic wrap
Using pictures and MIDI tracks, no matter how crap
And instil in your redneck reading fan
The illusion of grandeur, like a spray-on ‘suntan’
* * *
You got the music, pictures and rhyme
So now it’s time to bring out the slime
The buttercup verses of love and pain
And tear-jerking memoirs of perpetual rain
* * *
Just pick a topic with (sym)pathetic guarantees
Like loss of love or a living on your knees
Even better, pat an administrator on the back
Or, the most popular writer of the pack
* * *
Now just give it a polish, a fancy font
To complete the illusion of poetic savant
An image that’ll attract the gathering of fools
Like I said, just follow these simple rules
* * *
Your shattered ego – it shall be healed
And decision of the panel safely sealed
Don’t worry, it was all for a very good cause
For now that blue ribbon is entirely yours!
Oh and by the way, mine is called "Yet another, poem about the rain." (It's at the very bottom of the page.) Go check it out if you get the time and let me know what you think?
Holy Shit! I love this! Lmao... I just wrote a poem about poets who write about the rain (for similar reasons) but I tend to be a coward for the most part (Unless Im beyond coward and on to crazed-lady, pissed off, then its on!) and I don't express myself as straight shooting and obvious as this is. I have had many conversations about this very thing with those of us who can't or don't really give a rats ass about the quality of the metered line, the fucking background song (UGH) or the graphic. I always hated that nonsence. Bully to you for having the balls to speak this out and stand by it!
I can see why they banned you! It's so funny because it's so true! I've submitted great poems but the only one that's won is one that I would consider commercially viable. The others that were more unique were losers. I try to stay away from cliche unless it is an intentional tool to attract attention. I especially love the (sym)pathetic line. I use this trick of partly parenthisized words for impact sometimes. Fanf*ckingtastic write!