To ...?...

I miss you.  I love you.  You are my brother.



The things I want to share with you have nowhere to go since you’re away so, as a result, I keep these things locked in my heart.  One day when I fade, I give you my heart just to show I love you.  I didn’t forget you but it hurts to know you forgot me.  My love for you is one-sided, bro.  No matter how much I love you or how strongly, I can never reach you.  I stretch out my hands to tap your back and to say hello but I see your love is reserved for anyone else you know except me.  My heart aches.  I see I was nothing.  I watch you from afar with unspoken longing.



Though I’m glad to see you’re happy yet somehow I’m a little miserable without you.  It’s been like that when we last parted long ago.  You’ve been haunting me too.  I unexpectedly feel your name follow me everywhere.  How funny fate has a way to remind me of you.  God has a way to remind me of you.



I think of you everyday.  When I go to sleep sometimes I see you in my dreams.  I guess one does not know nor understand the COMPLETE feeling of love unless you have love and then until the heart is broken.



I loved you before we were born; before we were created.  I loved you when you were the answer to my prayers.  I loved you when we first met, my brother.  I love you.  I will love you until I die even if it was all in vain.  At least I flew with all my love before I fall and hit the ground.



If you touch my heart, you’ll see you’re in there somewhere but you don’t risk to touch it.  My spirit cries.



I exposed myself to you ...?... as well as the world so that I now feel like a fool — to have everything divested.  The world laughs at me for being “naked,” you are aware aren’t you?



I watch you walk away from here.  I see your back.  You don’t turn around to know I’m there behind you.  Perhaps it’s best that way.  I’m not good enough for you at all.  To hide the tears, better to stand under rain.



Before I fade away, though, I want to give you something.  I give you my soft, beating heart.  I swear it.  I know you’re happy already in your life but I want you to live a long, healthy life all the time so that you can share all your own love with the people you care about; to spread happiness throughout.  I give you my beating heart so that ignorance won’t swallow you whole easily.  That that demonic vice won’t control you as much anymore.  I give you my beating heart, Stephen, so you won’t be blind because what is essential is invisible to the eye.  Only with the heart can one see rightly.  I give you my beating heart so that you may understand compassion and love.



You won’t know -- who’s heart this belongs to when you’re alive.  You see, my heart was my own power but you need it more than I do because I love you.  It will protect you everywhere you go so you won’t get hurt.  Let my beating heart embrace yours so darkness will never touch you again.



I love you --.  You are my brother.  I disappear but my heart never does as long as you exist.  I guess we won’t meet again after all like I prayed for.  Goodbye brother.  I loved you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

To my big brother who never came back for me.

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Bryan Adam Tomimbang's picture

I understand how you feel... - Kevin L.