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My Upside Down World.

I have spent most of my life in this upside down world. Nothing is ordinary; in fact everything is out of the ordinary. You do not believe me; just too bad I am not going to fill in the gory details, I leave that to your imagination.

It started at my birth. No one ever had the nerve to tell me that the Midwife dropped me on my head. Yes for weeks the fontanel would not close, The Fontanel is the hole in most babies’ skulls. It closes with time. My fontanel took nearly four months to close.

I was a sickly baby so I am told. Nothing was normal milk turning sour as I went to drink from the bottle. The bottle had always been boiled for reasons of sterility so why did the milk turn sour. Clothing me was a problem socks and tiny shoes always being lost. Sometimes never to be seen again. What happened to them I have no knowledge of hiding them or throwing them away?

My napkins or as the American cousins call them my Diapers were never wet or soiled in any way. No one could understand that a baby if fed and handled in the right way would never need to be mollycoddled.

My school days were also an upside down experiment thought out by the so-called Education Authorities. Why should an old person be in charge of young children? My headmaster was of retiring age when I started school; it was not fair. His idea of teaching was with the use of a cane and loud shouting. Not one of the children was deaf and a cane on ones fingers left and everlasting impression.

I purposely wrote in my own upside down handwriting; my markings on any tests that I was made to write or answer were in this somewhat untidy, ink blotted scribble that I myself considered was my best handwriting. The teachers thought different of course. It did not end with my school days, my upside down life carried on well into my first jobs of work.

I was proud of my upside down view of the world and all of its inhabitants. I was the only sane young man that I knew. No, I was never considered for pay rises, promotion was just a word that someone had invented to spoil my chances of getting on to the world of normality.

My life is slowly coming to an end but not my upside down world, I see signs of it every day of the week, did I say week I mean every day of the year of course. You are all welcome to join me in my upside down world; do not be disappointed if things go wrong for you, they have always gone wrong for me.

Not many want to enter my upside down world; it does not surprise me it is a world where nothing can go right. Many have tried to straighten things out in this upside down world but I am pleased to be able to tell you all that none of them have succeeded.