PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Am I Selfish?

Now this is a question that I often ask myself, the first part of my life was spent in an orphanage, and sometimes the boys with parents had visits. After such visits most had a toy or well hidden some pocket money? My pocket money when my father did come to see me, which was not very often. I hid such moneys on my socks. This monies I spent on sweets. I kept it secret I did not want to share my sweeties with the other boys after all no one shared anything with me. I always went to the playing field at the back of the girl’s Cottages, it was easy to climb over the small wall and go down the alley that separated the houses from the public from the Homes as we called the orphanage. I never went back over the wall with any sweets. The bigger boys would have taken them from me and eaten them. If something unusual was in the sweet shop such as fire works, sparklers and such These too I would hide then at night time I would get up from my bed go down the stairs out into the scullery where the back door which was always locked but with a key so that the children could go to the lavatories that were situated in the backyards of the Cottages. It was here that I lit and enjoyed one of my sparklers. On the rare occasions that my dad did come to see me he would bring sweets, these I ate as quickly as I could in case my brother Stan who was older than me eat more than I did. So I ask was I selfish? Nowadays after a life time of giving and sharing with many people I still ask am I selfish. I do not think so but doubts still remain in my mind. Perhaps it is still my guilty conscience from my childhood days that makes me ask. I have in the past helped many people, How often have I redecorated other peoples house and not charged a penny for my work, How many people have I helped when working in various hospitals and Geriatric homes. Always refusing tips or moneys when I knew that the people existed on a few shillings left over from the pension after paying for the care in such homes. I have this left over from my early youth that will I suppose be with me for the rest of my life am I a selfish person? Is there anything I can do to still my bad conscience? Now I am retired and eighty-five years old what would you say your scribbler is he selfish or was that just due to the special circumstances of my young early life?  Any questions or comments would be much appreciated Bern my email bshor@chello.at do not be shy I definitely do not bite and am considered to be full of life by all that know me.