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Keyboard Troubles.

My thanks to Lady A allets, for giving me this idea for a story about my computer keyboard. My keyboard has a life all of its own. If you all did not live so far away I would send you each an invite to watch what happens when I type. I press the key H what appears on the screen GHJ? I swear that my keyboard does this to try and make me angry. It does not succeed, I rarely get angry and if I do it is usually about some film or program on the television. It is very trying and I have exchanged my keyboard three or four times. It is not really the keyboard, it is some devil hiding in my computer. Apart from buying a new computer, I suppose I could take my computer apart and or try to smoke the devil out. Make it go away to bother someone else with its idiotic tantrums. I am pleased to be able to tell you that my writing program underlines in red all mistakes that the keyboard shows up on my screen. I then correct word for word all of the red underlined words of my Stories or Poems. I swear that I hear the devil cursing my writing program and me. I use the old two-finger method for typing as many other people do. I could not take the time to use all ten of my fingers for the keyboard and my own private devil takes advantage of the fact. There is very little I can do about this and I must admit between you and me that I would miss the devil if it were to leave me. The words sometimes give me the idea of inventing a new language so that all users of computers and keyboards would have to learn a new language. Then I would not be alone with my correcting my stories and poems. If any of you have the same problem and have mastered it in any way please let me know. Yes my computer has a speaking program that I could use but even that my devil has taken control of and what appears on the screen is usually a mish mash of rubbishy words that no one can understand. Even the sound of my own voice frightens me. I often wonder that when I speak to small children that they do not run away on hearing my voice. Sometimes it bellows out like an old Donkey braying or a high-pitched squeak that frightens even me. Another story written, I will be occupied for the next couple of hours correcting that which my keyboard and my devil have written. Please do not send any more devils over the Internet I have enough to do with just one of its kind. Bern.