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Stains.

I have stains all down the front of my suit.

That’s what comes from eating too much fruit

My shoes I clean with blacking to make them shine,

I did not believe them when told shoes were not mine.

The same thing with the socks that I wear on my feet,

I know that I have ten toes that are awfully sweet.

My socks complain that my toes smell like sour pork.

I should buy shoes that are made solely from cork.

What with my suit and my shoes that are now clean.

I will go to London to meet her Majesty the Queen.

I hope that she will overlook my shoes and my suit.

Perhaps one of her Corgis will play for me on the flute.

Or the ducks in the river Thames appreciate my suit

 If I can I will get one of them to eat some of my fruit.

You know I don’t really care if Her Majesty isn’t at home.

Perhaps it will teach me a good lesson not to roam,

After all who will pay for me the most expensive fare.

I think I will stop at home I really don’t you know care.

My neighbours like me in my shoes and my suit.

As for the ducks and the Corgis I don’t give a hoot.

Bernard Shaw.