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RUN IN WITH A QUACK!
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PSYCHOLOGY You told me—
I operate better than 60% of normal adults…
OUT THERE!
You told me—
I operate better than 80% of mentally ill adults…
WITHIN THE SYSTEM!
I BEG TO DIFFER WITH YOUR ANALYSIS!
I am already in a deficit,
Created by this illness.
And I’m handling my life,
Better than those 60% of “normal” adults!
I’d venture to say, better than 80% of “normal” adults!
And I’m operating better than probably 95% of mental ill adults!
I do not know of one normal adult,
Who could live through what I’ve went through…
For the last eight months!
You set there and tell me,
Feeling emotions is good—
With this deficit,
And this intensity of emotion,
Then you feel it…you deal with it.
See if you do better than the 60% of normal adults!
But one thing you underestimate with me is…
I have lived in my body.
Yes, as you told me,
My mental illness is a forever thing.
Then how can YOU know what I can take and what I can’t?
It’s an illness, yes…
BUT I KNOW MY LIMITS.
You see my life with a normal brain—
You do not see it through mine!
You do not struggle to find that balance of that
COPING LEVEL EVERYONE SEEMS TO HAVE…
I ALWAYS LOOK UP.
YOU LOOK DOWN!
It’s a difference…
Like being on the outside looking in—
When have you been on the inside looking out?
Do you know what it’s like to feel as if your brain is an ant hill?
Then some well intended Shrink says,
“You are doing really well!”
I want to scream,
But I won’t stoop to your level of ignorance.
You “TREAT” without empathy.
It’s a business proposition, strictly.
What do you know of my ability and my life?
You only see me fifteen minutes every three months!
I am not inferring that you are DUMB.
I am just bringing into question,
DO YOU SEE ME—
OR, WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME,
ARE YOU SEEING THOSE 80% BELOW ME.
SURE I’D LIKE TO GET OFF THIS ROLLER COASTER…
AND I’D LIKE TO DIE AT TIMES—
RATHER THAN DEAL WITH ANOTHER
SAME DAY—SAME OLD SHIT.
THAT IS WHY…
I NEVER ASKED FOR HELP.
However, I’m LEARNING…
HELP—is always needed by even the best of survivors.
And I’m trying to tell you,
I’VE HANDLED THINGS BETTER!
I was not in the hospital for over two years—
NOW YOU ARE TELLING ME,
THAT FOUR HOSPITALIZATIONS IN SIX MONTHS
IS BEING SUCCESSFUL—ON THE RIGHT TRACK!
DO NOT INSULT ME.
DO NOT BELITTLE WHAT I AM SAYING.
I HAVE LIVED WITH MANIC-DEPRESSION FOR 25 YEARS!
COULDN’T I KNOW JUST A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT?
COULD YOU GIVE ME JUST A LITTLE MORE FRICKING CREDIT!
You will not find people like me often.
I am articulate, intelligent, dedicated to mental health and—
THE DESIRE TO MAKE IT!
JUST DON’T DICTATE MY TREATMENT—
MEET ME HALF WAY AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND.
I LIVE WITH THE ANTS…
They tunnel in my mind,
They even bite at times…
And the agony is excruciating at times…physically.
When your head is a bee hive,
Come see me, and let me conjecture in statistics,
And see if that makes you feel better.
When your head swells with volume with the constant buzzing,
When the headaches turn to migraines,
Let me say,
“I’M THE DOCTOR,
I KNOW ABOUT YOU,
AND I THINK YOUR FEELING IT IS A GOOD THING,
IT TELLS ME YOUR ALIVE.”
There is a difference between a headache and a migraine—
And there is a difference between—
Those compassionate physicians,
And dogmatic by the book doctors.
You help me with my illness,
And I’ll not inform you, that you are acting like an…
Arrogant, Pompous ass.
