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PLAYING FOR KEEPS
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OTHER WOMEN... I hear you...
The fear you only hint to...
The tears that lie just underneath the surface...
The constant second guessing of the unknown...
About the certainty's of my heart...
About your ability to mend yours...
We know enough of each other's history,
We know enough of each other's pain,
And we still fear...
KNOWLEDGE & REASSURANCE SIMPLY ARE NOT TRUST.
I fear if I will ever be "good enough"...
For you to ever leave your mate.
And if you do,
Will you do it honestly,
OF YOUR OWN CHOICE?
OR...
Will I bare the brundt of resentment...
When we may not be able to fit...
AS WELL AS OUR GOOD INTENTIONS.
HOW do you preserve friendship...
When it's tempting to rationalize...
To give up so much...for a happiness one has never before had?
That may ULTIMATELY COST YOU in the end.
Be my friend...only.
LOVE YOUR OWN HEART FIRST.
With wise choices and boundaries...love may come around.
As for I,
I must love myself enough,
To be ONLY your friend.
So that I will not stammer in stupor,
Over...
Your lack of ability to leave the security of your mate...
And I must be able to discern,
Wether I played myself for the fool
And toppled my ego down to the folly of my own undoing.
WE HAVE BEEN HONEST...
WE HAVE BEEN REAL...
But it doesn't stop the pain,
The hurt, the mental scars,
Of the lovers before...
Love stolen, Love lost, Love beaten down.
Simply KNOWING,
Doesn't bring entitlement, or privilege,
That will move us from here to a strong, healthy,
RELATIONSHIP...
One we both...want, need, but mostly deserve.
What do I know about you?
That you are LOST...
In the ongoing March against Cancer,
In the reticent grief of your father,
In the confusion of an old love,
And in the lack of your ability to understand...
Your life as it pertains to your marraige,
(Where it no longer is packed in the labels it
once had.)
What your sexuality is in seperate terms from your
financial ties in your marraige.
But you will soon come to understand that change is constant.
That you are resilient & strong...
To face Cancer head on,
To stay honest and loyal to your marraige
And to your friends.
(And you will also be strong if and when..
Your "friends" and "marraige"
Collide in the arena of your happiness.)
You will be steadfast in your choices...
Because it is your HEART that will be on the line.
That you are knowledgeable & rational...
You enter into nothing without knowing the consequenses.
You do not let emotion overcharge you.
You shoot TRUTH straight from the hip.
Because lying demeans you and those around you.
And you also understand that love is a four letter word:
Slicing the best for you, or it lops your head off.
That you are kind & gentle...
"Yes, Ma'am."
"No, Ma'am."
"I will give you my all, Ma'am."
You are the type to put others needs before your own.
You are gentle in your approach...
And softer than snow when you bid farewell.
"I just called back to see that you were okay.
And I wanted you to have a good night."
That your heart is overprotective,
And rightly so, for now...
It's cynicism imparts on my "cheating",
In past and present fears...
As my preference in looking at Black women
Is one a CHOICE in culture...
Your life is so fragile,
YOU COULD NOT SURVIVE ANOTHER BROKEN HEART.
AND NOR CAN I.
Yet, culture can be enjoyed without living
In the middle of it's Mecca.
That you are compassionate & understanding....
Because if not, you would have long since left.
ESPECIALLY...
After my stories of...
My financial situation...
My family background...
My life in all it's intense and extreme banter.
I KNOW...
That you are a good listener...so...
LISTEN PLEASE...
We are in this cross-road, together.
And I hope you understand Cheryl Crow...
"I would have (already) given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it all apart
And she's taken almost all that I've had
But if you want, I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but we know....
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest...
I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
Cause I'm sure gonna give you a try,
And if you want, I'll try to love again,
But baby, I'll try to love again...."
I hope and pray that you can SING this too.
Let's just keep in mind what we "know"...
But not to let it stop us from--
Making angels in the snow...
Camping, lighting fires all aglow...
Having snow cones at a county fair...
You throwing darts to win me a bear...
Having picnics in the park...
Then look at the stars in the dark...
Read poetry in each others arms...
Ride horses from the farm...
Yes, you will teach me about NASCAR...
We'll watch Kansas and Iowa St.
Listen to Pink, Arie, Shakira, and Macy Gray...
Eat dinners in candle light...
Stay up and talk all night...
Take it easy, take it slow...
Take time to "try each other on"
And as life goes on...
MAYBE WE'LL BOTH SEE
THAT WE BOTH HAVE BEEN
PLAYING FOR KEEPS...
PLAYING FOR KEEPS...
PLAYING FOR KEEPS...
