Author Information
Velvet eyes
Folder:
2002 Somewhere in his velvet eyes
I lost my mind, found my demise
And in his soul my lonely cries
Were answered by pathetic lies
And in their darkness I was lost
Found my ransom paid my cost
Once loved in full then gently tossed
To his winter; I felt his frost
Somewhere in him I lost a dream
And to his soul I softly scream
With all my love I’ve never been
So vividly drawn; I wasn’t seen
Somwhere in his velvet eyes
I saw a world wrapped in lies
But I went on with my silly tries
To look into his velvet eyes
i hate living up to the expectation of others but for you i shall.
Honestly, I think that this is by far one of the best poems that you ave ever written. The first time I read it in fact, It was like a punch in the stomach because I was like "I knew she was good but Oh my god this is fucking amazing" and every time i read this again I get the same feeling and that is what makes me love it the most. After all a good writer has to invoke emotions from their audience right.
That is the problem with eyes, they are a window to the soul and if you see even just a little bit of somethin that you like, it is like an addiction to you, you always want to see juat a little bit more. Especially if what they see is beautiful.
I think that may be that something, you know what I mean.
keep looking, you will find what you want too eventually
nikki
Nicole.J.Burgesss
Ashley,
Hey. First of all, let me say that I did like it. I especially liked the line "To his winter; I felt his frost"... thought it was good imagery. Also a bit of a play on words, which was quite clever. One suggestion though. I notice that in very many of your poems, you refer to a rhyme scheme. While this can work, and you do make it work many times, you should try writing some free-verse poetry every now and then. 1) Just to change it up a bit, so you're not doing the same thing over and over again, and 2) It's a lot less limiting to what you can do and where you can go with it, seeing how you're not limited to a certain number of words. All you need to worry about then is the enjambment. (I think that's how you spell it... if so... dictionary my friend... or just ask me!) But yeah, keep it going, but try to use some diversity too! Good job!
Ashley, Ooh this is good! When I read the title I was thinking it was going to be a soft, sweet, mushy poem because of your use of the word 'velvet', but the coldness of the betrayal and the remorseless of the 'he' in the piece was anything but soft and sweet. Great flow throughout the whole piece. Beautifully done!
I hate poetry, with a passion.
In fact... i hate this poem with a passion.
But despite that fact, it is never the less well written, and actually had some thought put into it. Unlike most of the clue-impared inept fucks who bastardize the english language by putting togeather a meaningless string off words and calling it "art".
P.S Death to all liberals
OK HUN
no more critics for you
its NO WHERE NEAR as good as a pro's work
but thank you anyhows :)
ash
Much Love
Ashley
Wow.
Move over Embridge ...
Ashley, this has got to be one of your best works ever. If I didn't know you, I'd swear this was written by a pro, and I'm being totally serious. I can't wait to see how other people react to this one. Post it anywhere you can!
Reuben