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Why my heart is broken:

Pieces of Danielle



1983-present

You are so controlling

So so emotionally abusive

Mentally breaking me down

Filling my head full of lies

Demanding a moral standard out of me which you don’t even come close to meeting

I’m still trying to get her out of my mind



1985?

You gave me an STD or some sort of infection

Doctors didn’t find it until I was 15

I almost died from it



1988

You took me for a ride as a little girl in your car

It was red

I remember pulling over to the side of the road

You are a sick bastard



1988

I was 5

And he

I don’t even know his name

Made me pull down my panties

And touched me



1993

I am overwhelmed by the violence in my family

My father hits my mother

My mother hits my father

They hit my sister and me

My father is a pervert

I attempt suicide for the first time

I am only 10



1993

He had blonde hair

And blue eyes

And fingers that were too quick



1995

You didn’t even try

I decided then I was an orphan



1997

Your hands are poison

Your eyes dead

Your words are deceitful

He pinned me onto his bed

Every night he would touch me

I was stupid enough to think it was ok in someway

I heard you fell

Fell real far real hard

I heard they had to piece together the bones in your face

Karma kicked you in the ass because I couldn’t



1997

Did you know I had some friends who wanted to gun you down after they saw the bruises you left on me



1997

I was 14

And you didn’t understand no

Your best friend saw you touching me groping me

And told you to stop

You listened to him

But ignored my “No” for 15 minutes



1998

You drove a cab in my town

And would take me to my weekly counseling appointments

Offered me pot, told me that you fantasized about me

Dreamt about me

You brought me to your house once instead of my appointment

And tried to get me so high I’d sleep with you

You were 35, I was 14 almost 15

You said you loved my nose

I’ve hated it ever since



2000-2001

Seemed no one wanted me these years



2001-2002

And all of you, I won’t even go there

Except to say I am still having nightmares

And have had to “deprogram” my mind

My soul



2002-2005

You were the first person I loved or trusted

I still rationalize what you did

I haven’t even had the guts to tell you yet

For fear of what it might do to you

I don’t think you remember it for some reason



2003

I see you for the first time in 8 years

You ignore me for most of the time hiding out in your bedroom

You later confess that you’re a junkie



2004-2005

You were the first person I really fell deeply in love with

I wanted her more than anything, loved her beyond description

She broke something in me



2005

You lied to me

I considered you a friend

You lied