Author Information
my side of the conversation
Folder:
Main
I sought that moment, fleeting as you say
cacophonous morning
mourning the night
mourning the dead
that was the man I wanted to be yesterday
and hoped to still be upon wakening
yes this coffee could've used more sugar,
but what it could've used more , was more coffee!
dark roast
bitter sweet alkaloid of my soul!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hear echoes of Suzanne Vega in your musings,
and behind your facticity
the shadow of Sartre
the particulars that combine
to heap,
to bury us in this Now
but also expose and reveal and in a word, free us
freedom is far from a friendly word,
though we seek it
cherish it
mostly ignorant of it
our freedom: awesome and awe-full
so I shuffle my feet when I pass your table,
not because I am lazy or forlorn,
but because my freedom is heavy
--------------------------------------------------------------
my message in a bottle came back to me again
and I had to hang my head, dejectedly
absalom! absalom!
why did I not see the tone of it?!!
where did I show the other side of the coin, the side with Janus' faces?!
yes, my freedom is heavy
but it also puts a spring in my step
a mischievous glint in my eye
(to see how free we are to keep ourselves enslaved)
courage is what is lacking
only that simple thing.
I am not Doestoevski's superior man, (don't call me Rashkilnokov or Napoleon)
nor his Grand Inquisitor, to turn my back on my Savior (not that I claim one)
and I definitely don't see myself as Nietzsche's Superman!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I like this one alot. Usually,I would have thought that was too long, but it was all good and necessary, so it was fine. The only thing that bothered me was all of the exclamation points...when used sparingly, they can add to poetry, but you really had a lot. Overall, this was great.
that is a nice work if i may say so. it is the only of it's type that i have read and it seemed like it WAS a conversation almost within your own, within yourself, but you were sill speaking to another person, perhaps a friend who has asked a deep and thought provoking question. i thought it was cool because of all of the Allusions that you made during it, that deepen it's mystery. i also enjoyed how you referred to freedom, as a weight upon your shoulders that puts a spring in your very step, nice...and easy to understand besides the Allusions(Love the Allusions).
Good Luck,
Godspeed,
-Legend-
(Pheonix)
ps:don't worry of your comment on "Believe", i do not take these things too seriously, but i do in a way. you have shown me an intellectual honesty and that is a privilege in itself through your criticisms i can learnmore about my style and perhaps repair it if it is ailing...thank you