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Conscious
Is he looking at me,
why? eyes peer, you see?
Like being followed,
an unknown force.
I feel paranoid,
but it's real,
Eyes that follow,
every movement you can feel.
Knocking in back,
like a coal miner,
always letting me know
they're there.
A black cloud hovers above,
no chance, no love.
Sick and sad,
lost and confused,
I feel empty and used.
hey. so i just read this piece and i really like it.. i like the metaphors and and i like the rhyme and how its not forced rhyme. in terms of critique? I would change the last line [which i love, by the way, i think ive used the same line or very similar a time or two] from: "i feel empty and used"
to "i feel empty, i feel used" or "feeling empty, feeling used" ... just my thoughts. =]