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THE GUN
It sat there lying by the bed. Just moments before I had taken the rounds out.
I thought about it. Affairs, judgments, finances, and things I couldn’t control.
Yet it sat there and my eyes were full of tears writing the letter that turned out to be 3 pages.
In my mind I thought can’t do it this way will make a major mess someone will have to clean up.
Then came the pills, knowing that two stopped normal pain, but 10 would end all my pain. I swallowed them thinking no hoping it would all go away.
Falling asleep at 230p and waking up to my husband shaking me at 430p.
WHY IS THIS GUN HERE? He said with a staunch voice.
What’s going on? You owe me an explanation.
In my grogginess I looked at him feeling the effects of the pills and told him to just go.
I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL YOU TALK TO ME.
Just go I yelled you have other things to do.
THIS IS NOT THE PREDICTABLE YOU.
In that moment the gun was taken away. My 410 that I had for years taken away from me because I thought my life been useless.
In a moment I felt the babies kick inside me and hated the fact that I was not only murdering myself, but them. Therefore the gun left never for my eyes to be seen again.
