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         You say that things had to be this way,
             &, yes, I know God is in control,
         but you must see the enemy got in there, too,
           &, of course, we still have free will....
   ...you allowed these walls God's been wanting to fall
            to remain for so long that now I'm
    wondering if you will ever to choose to conquer them,
         & we both know we're running out of time.

        I confess, it still wounds me, repeatedly,
        that you continue to choose him over us...
        ...how have you preferred abuse over love,
    & sinse you did, how can there ever be real trust?
          I know the time will soon be arriving
     that he will stand before, & answer to the Lord...
      ...you tell me he's ready, & even at peace...
   ...I can't help wondering, what will be his reward?

    Will he really joyfully receive the crown of life,
          Have his sins truly been washed away?
   Has he borne the fruits of repentance (towards us?!?)
        & does he believe Jesus is the only way?
     Or is he still believing that his way is best,
            following a mere man, & his ways,
        all the while, justifying & excusing sin
         as only one lost can do all his days?

        I've never hated him, {well, anyways not sinse
         the Lord healed me, & took that away,}
but I still hate the sin {as God does!} that's been hidden,
             but Mom, everytime that I pray
        for you, & my sisters, I pray for him, too,
           & most of all, for him to finally see
       if he truly wants the peace Jesus can bring,
             he has to repent to be set free...

   ...Free from denial, & self-righteous justifying
      things that wounded your children so deep...
  & free from ignoring the life-altering consequences
             of secrets we just couldn't keep,
     The Bible teaches all sin separates us from God,
           no matter what we tell ourselves...
      ...I pray he finally takes responsibility,
     & finally decides to stop blaming everyone else.

             Anyways, hearing from you again
             brings joy, & pain all at once...
        now I understand why, though I want to try,
        sometimes I must back off, even for months,
     & allow the Lord to minister His healing truth
          to places still vulnerable to the lies...
  ...you chose him over us, more than once & still do...
         ....I have finally fully opened my eyes.

         So, I will do as the Lord leads me to,
         but I won't wear my heart on my sleeve,
       you made it clear that the gospel you hear
           is not the one I know & believe...
     ...perhaps there will come a time for us, Mom,
           to meet face to face once again...
   ...but for 16 years, I've lived with your choices,
    ...I wish I knew why you keep choosing pain...
                      *~*~*~*~*
                                   ~By Anastazia Rowe~
                                 narrowroadwalker@telus.net
                                      Nov. 4th, 2004.