I keep finding myself reaching
For dreams I know I'll never have
Living with the scars
Born from a shattered past
Sometimes I can still feel the flow of blood
Almost if I still did
The same way they found me
When I was just a kid
I've found through time that alcohol and drugs
Will never seal away the pain
And it seems my last resort
Was an option left in vain
So many tears cried over so many years
And still I feel like none of this is real
Or so the voices keep telling me
And I believe them still
They've called it everything from trauma
To some disease they probably made up
There's nothing wrong with me
Because I still feel the blood
I can see it all unfold in my mind
As if it only happened yesterday
One life in one day
And an eternity in pain
Sometimes I really think
That I've been dead since I was a child
And it's my hate
That seems to keep me alive
I know it's hard for others not to judge
When they know the things I've done
But how could anyone
Expect me not to become
What I see in the mirror
I feel ashamed and always burst in tears
I realize I'm a product
Of my own inner fears
I want to feel the power coursing through me
Like the heaven's rain
I want to know
That the future won't be the same
The lines of reality blur
And just before the light they seem to dim
Now I can't see the difference
Between me and my pseudonym