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A Look At The Past You stand before me.
Void of love, full of hate.
Your evil penetrates my soul,
in an angry loathing state.
My body goes numb.
Tears swell up in my eyes.
Then, out of nowhere,
the evil just up and dies.
Was this a trick?
A sick mind game?
Then you speak a word,
and the word is my name.
"Amanda," you say,
"come give me a hug."
And I solely realize,
my new grave has been dug.
You never loved me,
you never will.
All this nonsense,
brings me a chill.
I brush past you,
angry and used.
No one ever knew,
my emotional abuse.
You've degraded me,
tore me all apart.
All this hate in my life,
it's surprising I have a heart.
But you're wrong,
and you always were.
You'll never be right again.
of that, I am sure.
Amanda, you are so sweet and
Amanda, you are so sweet and so sensitive. Your express such deep pain with your words. If I were to see you in front of me now, I would give the biggest hug, and let you cry the hugest crocadile tears ever cried to let you know it is so right for you to express your feelings of whatever they may be.
Life can be a beautiful and easy living experience, or it can be difficult , dramatic, and full of ups and downs. I have lived both. My choices today are based upon the scales within me that weigh the huge sides of the chasm that separates my joys and my pains, and I am the only judge of that.. That chasm is different for everyone and there is no "book of rules" as to what is "fair" and what is not. We have to decide for ourselves. Our society has tried to create "laws" to bring some possibility of "normalcy" as to what is "acceptable" and what is "unacceptable"...unsuccessfully. The most that they seem to be able to do, is make the chasm smaller and smaller, until one day,the chasm may be so small, that perhaps even these very words of truth will be considered "abusive".
So the important part in this is to forgive. Forgive the person, but most of all forgive yourself for allowing yourself to think that loving another person means that you will get the results you want. Thedifficult partabout love is that there is no guarantee...ever...that the people you lovewill love you back in he same way you love them. And when you find the one that is right for you, yourrewardwill always be in the loving itself, and not in what you expect in return. That is what love is. Love is in the loving. Love is in "being" love itself. It is it's own reward, and the rewardsare felt and seen by you in your own capacity to love more and more as each hurdle youfly over passes and new ones appear in your life journey.
There are so many people who have brought such wonderful joy into my life. Many times, those same people have brought unbearable pain. It took me many years to accept that this is just the way we are as human beings. We will not always get along, we will have moments of joy, betrayal, mediocrity, (sometimes not such a bad thing considering the price paid when one lives as a thrill seeker, just my opinion), and great heartache. Don't let anyone place limits on how good or bad your life will be. YOU are the only one who has the right to do that, and I hope you learn where they are for you, but love will never change for you. It is unconditional, and YOU, Amanda, are loved by the universe..."unconditionally".
I wish you peace and healing. Hugs. ♥
...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."
"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "