PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

its time for a resolution.
Last year I spent 12:00
in car wishing to just take the breathe from me.
as i sobbed in my car as I was nodding out on narcotics
to try and forget my pain.
I made a resolution
to call 2012 the year of my homecoming
to break all my addictions and finally grow
well I achieved more than I would ever of known.
I lived in a 1 room studio hotel with another heroine addict,
worked full time at mcdonalds struggling to keep at it.
I had 94 escort that was rusted out
that I illegally drove
that I whipped around.
I sat in my car for more than few hours
just numb to feelings and everything
the DXM kicked in as I was driving recklessly swerving into the ongoing lane
I popped so many pills that night I blacked out in a parking lot
was supposed to be home for the new years party.
But I couldn't even move my body was to high.
an overdose and reaching comatose was my destination.
I was trying to crash but somehow my car always cached itself.
I would swerve towards trees as high as high could be.
yet it would always straighten out like it was not meant to be.
I never told this story for I knew it was a little dark and wary.
The song Homecoming by MGK came on my radio.
It somehow caught my attention. as 11:59 pm December 31st read on the clock.
its the new years and I was all alone. I was doing 80 on an icy dirt road.
It dazed me when the lyrics hit my heart harder than what drugs were in my system.
I had to stop the car as my car stereo blasted

"They asked me what I started I said several things
They asked me what I wanted I told them everything
my heart is all in it, loosing is off limits.
reputations matches my attire I am authentic
This is my Homecoming! This is my Homecoming!"

I started chanting this song
I had it on repeat. I chanted it until I lost my voice and I sat back with an undefeated desperate look in my eyes.
Every drug I took that night that was still climbing lost its grip on me.
My adrenaline kicked in. I rushed to the place I called home. still swerving and speeding
but with a different feeling. I was no longer afraid.
a feeling that will help me make the right decisions in the next few months.
Heroine lost its grip over my conscious. Tripple C's was no longer stuck in my everyday fix.
I was still struggling in the begging. But I broke every addiction I had at this same point in life a year ago.

My heart is all in it. Loosing was off limits. It proved me wrong. something in my head steered me right.
The drugs and their withdraws are now long gone. The reckless careless dangerous behavior had ceased.
I am now on a level playing field. Its weird to feel. and not counting on the drugs to take you to a place that you wish was real.
This situation happened. I am still stunned I beat the odds again. A had a lethal dose.
Witch somehow just did not kill me. But completely escaped my body at the time it should have killed me
I cannot understand
all I know is that I am here today and I am proud to say I am breathing.

Now I almost have everything. I am no longer struggling with some horrible things.
It took some willpower to break it. It took some time to change it.
It was not always easy. I was struggling. But now looking back on a full year now.
I figured I would be dead before I would see myself living the way I do.
Being content and happy.I never expected myself to move this far.
Its a strange feeling. To see yourself a year ago. overdosing
on the worst of the worst.
Now I can pass drug tests with no nervousness.
Its been a long road. But I have found victory.
I passed my dark times and my low spots.
I am now climbing for greatness. and If I can break all my addictions.
There is nothing in life that is off limits.