PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I hate to admit that sometimes I take you for granted
Nights where I got lost in myself while I raved and ranted
It seems I cannot stop from throwing myself into these traps anymore
Swimming out to my detriment while you’re calling me back to shore
I know that if nothing changes I will surely drown
I know that if I do not fix this that I will breakdown
Towards myself I am so very heartless and hostile
Living in the midst of a redundant, impaired lifestyle

I love it when you put your arms around me clinging
But it’s hard for you to hold on as I’m always sinking

Thoughts of a tragic future make me want to escape
Yet the aftermath often leaves my mind in worse shape
It seems I cannot do what I know deep down that I should
Again I wandered on the cliff’s edge while alone you stood
I desperately for the future want to once more feel hope
I have to stop fearfully running away and begin to cope
Towards you at times I know I have been so careless
Feeling helpless in this endless mess of mental distress

I love it when you wrap your arms around me clinging
But you cannot hold on long since I’m always sinking
Far away from my arctic heart I’ve been drifting
Through fading pieces of my compassion I’m sifting
From your grasp I can feel myself suddenly slipping
All I want is to stay in this warm moment with you
From your arms into this deplorable chasm I’m dropping
I’m afraid you may someday be pulled down with me too

My decomposing thoughts crawl into your head
Sometimes on your smile they have ferociously fed
A rotten smell covers the merciless tirades they yell
Out of my spoiling mind escapes the vile and unwell
They are now heading like poisonous snakes your way
They are full of despair and spread their ceaseless decay
From them you’ll never be able to for long get away
For they will be there beside you until my dying day

When I slip out of your understanding arms
I wander back into my cruel, cold self-harm
When I depressingly fall out of your kind arms
I’m pulled into this self-torturing, traumatic harm
I do not want to pull you down there with me
I do not want you to see the terrible things I see
I’ve always made it back into your loving arms
I’ve always been able to survive this dead dread that harms
Someday I’m scared that I will not return from these falls
Lost in this murkiness and alone while I feel nothing at all

This is not who I want to be
I don’t want to take you down with me
This is not where I want to be
Out of your arms and adrift in me

By Adam Keith McElwain

Copyright Adam Keith McElwain Poetry