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A lovely kind of cruel
jittery like a bird
fleeting and fast
letting you fly in the sky
until your shot down
as silent as the snake
slowly it wreaths itself around you
a python holding you in its strangling grip
leaving you gasping for air
lungs are burning
my heart is left churning
i cling to the ledge
fearful that if i may fall
i may never rise again
Sometimes this cunning snake
holds on so tight
that it seems to shine in the night
it almost seems a strange sort of lovely
to leap into its open maw
once its struck
forget your luck
as it venom flows through your veins
enevitably reaching even your brain
Making my heart pound
until it rips itself out of my chest
and lands upon the ground
with a sickening slap
I am left clutching the gaping hole
and the poison works its way into my very soul
I can't help but smile
A surely pitiful and painful face i make
almost laughing at the irony in it
only those with the kindness to care
will be locked into that vipers glare
And a strange sort of lovely it was
to be held in the cold embrace
with tears running down my face
i face a mirror and the faces begin to blur
i started to not recognise
was it the snake or myself that i could see
baring their bright green eyes at me
Good Job
I applaude you on a job well done, enjambed and rhyming as well this poem.
I envy your level of ability which rivals all the pieces I have read on this site.
My heartiest congratulations, it was as brilliant as it was inspired.
On PostPoems
We embrace venting. It is an artform.
critique:
"...a python holding in you in its strangling grip"
suggest "holding you in its..." and "until your shot down" to "until you're shot down" or "until shot down" (I always go for tight constructs). also: 1st verse and only segment on flight and birds, the balance of the poem is about the you-viper - odd bird out. Suggest the viper being born among shards or something equally foreshadowy or preamble-ish :D slc
slc
Nice write - enjoyed in an Alice from the perspective of the oysters kind of way.