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yeah, it hurt. but so did all the other things that happened in the last couple of weeks.
i can't even look at myself, court ordered, fuck you, i'm mirror ordered.
my heart jumps everytime my phone beeps with a text message.
i don't even know how i'm feeling right now.
im feeling it. i know i am because i just tried to retype something i already wrote.
"i cant even look at myself"...I guess that is true.
my heart jumped again. I wonder what you wrote.
i think you know i'm not sober right now, i'm scared to look.
i just reread the message i wrote. to me, i sound like a babbling idiot.
I'm drunk, its almost as stylish as saying "fuck, im crunk".
fuck this rhyming shit.
i'm not supposed to enjoy this feeling. I know ill regret it later.
why am i writing this and saying "you" as in i'm talking to "you"?
i wish he was here in person. i dont want him to look down on me.
something about him, i just feel like i want to impress him, i want him to like me.
i know i like him and it's scaring me.
why am i hinting?
why can't i just tell the truth.
im scared that if i were to say what's going on he'd stop talking to me.
the parasites are panicking.
he knows. im sure he knows.
he doesnt know yet.
i just asked him if im different right now.
fuck.
i told him. let's see if he'll ever talk to me again.
i should stop right now. the addict in me just measured out i have enough to do it two more times.
yet i dont want to put it down.
why is he so good? why is he so understanding?
is this research? well...here are the stats:
i feel like im living in a cartoon.
my hands feel like they dont belong to me.
i want to hold him, this is a first.
i just took another shot. didnt i just say that i should stop?
i dont even know how much i drank. i never know how much i drink.
im drinking out of a flower vase; it's hard to keep track.
my soulmate messaged me, saying he's blessed to have me as a friend.
i feel so worthless right now.
i havent felt as bad about myself as i feel right now.
i knew the guilt trip is coming but i didnt know it would be so soon.