The Orgy of Pigs & Elephants & Donkeys in Uncle Sam's Whorehouse
part nine of a musical by Wolf Larsen
And then everyone exits the stage except for a man sitting at the computer and masturbating. He begins singing-softly at first – but begins singing with increasing passion: "Masturbating to Internet porn is like jumping into God's all-powerful all-knowing testicles! Masturbate the dogs! Masturbate the cats! Masturbating to Internet porn is like watching crack-whores walk the glorious gold-paved streets of America! Masturbate God's penis with your enormous hands! So much wide-open very-used pussy as gigantic as the sun! Masturbate! Masturbate! Every doorway on Main Street opens up with the erotic red-white-&-blue vaginas of America! Masturbate! Masturbate! Every Fourth of July is a patriotic pussy being fucked of the ass by an American flagpole! –"
"Fucked Up the ass! Fucked Up the ass!" plays the harp sensuously.
"MaSturbaTe! MaSturbaTe!" plays the saxophone.
And slowly as the man sings a group of feminists & born-again Christians holding up signs protesting pornography begin to file on stage and circle around the masturbating man. The (so far) silent anti-porn protesters walk in a single-file-line in the order of one feminist & then one born-again Christian man & one feminist & one born-again Christian man. As they silently circle around him the man continues masturbating as he looks at the computer screen. The man sings: "Breasts as big as pineapples! Oh yes! It's as purple as a sunset over all the rusting inner cities of crack-whore America! Oh my! Oh floating vagina balloons! Asses as round as bouncing basketballs! Limbs as luscious as chicken thighs at Kentucky fried! –"
And then the born-again Christian men & feminist women sing together: "This is degrading to God & women! God will punish you with as many orangutans in miniskirts as a whorehouse called Capitol Hill can fadangle! The feminists will punish you with God growing like zits & herpes sores all over your body!"
The man masturbating to Internet porn continues singing: "Nipples as luscious as watermelons! Lips as ripe as fruit on a tree! Open thighs as welcoming as a big hug from the transvestite mother of Jesus Christ!"
"JeSus Christ! Immaaaculate cooonception! Oooh ooooh!" blurts out the saxophone & trumpet.
And then the greasy preacher comes out and stands above the man masturbating, and the greasy preacher sings: "This is sin! When you open the doors to sin you open the doors to thousands of red-white-&-blue whores in state capitals across the nation offering their services for sale! We must stomp the sin of pornography from this Earth or we must wear bras on top of our heads! We must kiss the doors to God's glorious asshole, and find peace within God's anus in heaven!"
And then the Pope stands alongside the greasy preacher, and sings: "Amen!"
And all the feminists & born-again Christian males sing out: "Amen!"
The clarinet repeats mockingly: "Amen!"
And then the big fat elephant comes out and stands above the man masturbating and gives a song-speech: "My fellow Americans! My fellow pill-popping fat slobs too lazy to push one for English on the telephone! We must protect the children from pornography & sin & fried chicken! We must promote proud American values in our children like growing up in poverty! Because we are a proud God-fearing nation of fat slobs at the trough devouring cannibalistic cows and chicken that eat their own poop! We must save the children! We must save fried chicken!"
And all the feminists & born-agains sing-shout together: "SAVE THE CHILDREN! SAVE FRIED CHICKEN!"
"Saaaaave the children! Saaaaaave fried chicken!" laugh the saxophone & clarinet together.
Now the ass comes out and stands above the man masturbating and gives a song-speech: "The time has come my fellow Americans – my fellow incestuous family values kind of people – It’s time to embrace fried chicken! Pornography is the wasteland of the flamingos of French perfume! This is oppressive to women and God and the ants crawling in my underwear! We must save our nation from pornography and French perfume and the ants crawling in my underwear!"
"Saaaaaaave the children! Saaaaaave fried chicken!" laugh the oboe & trumpet together.
Copyright 2012 by Wolf Larsen