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+PANIC!+
PANIC
The breath don’t come
PANIC
You just wana run
PANIC
Your bodies shutting down
PANIC
And you’re breaking down
PANIC
You’re shaking around
PANIC
You can’t make a sound
PANIC
Your heart is dead
PANIC
You can’t control your own head
PANIC
The feeling doesn’t stop
PANIC
Suddenly you drop
PANIC
You’re rolling on the floor
PANIC
The pain you can’t ignore
PANIC
This isn’t a lie
PANIC
You think you’re gonna die
PANIC
This is the end of you
PANIC
What can you do?!
I am starting to PANIC, it is so good.
I like it a lot.
I think if you leave in the top "Panic" then take out the rest and leave in the very bottom "Panic" you will have a quite and well constructed poem.
As it stands you take to much away from your good idea by throwing the word panic in to often. It suffocates your good idea and work.
Any ways just a thought.
Cheers.