Life 2-7-00


Isn't life funny? How you always expect to get a certain thing out of it, but in the end it's nothing that you expect at all.

  When I was younger, I dreamed of working with kids. My mom had a couple of them, so that gave me plenty of practice. But one of my brother's life was cut short. I was about seven when I had a dream that he was floating away as an angel but nobody could catch him. When in reality that following morning he was pronounced dead from SIDS. To this day, I blame myself for letting him die.

   When I was a little older I got a really bad stomach ache. I couldn't eat, sleep or do anyhting. After a couple of days I went to the hospital. Turns out I had appendacitis. I had to get surgery and stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks. If I would have waited a couple more hours, it would have exploded inside me, and I would have died.

   Yet more years come and go. Been offered drugs and alcohol, yet I'm still here today. I have to thank the Lord God every day for giving me the strength to stay alive through every sorrow and hardship in my life.  I've been beat up by my older brother, which left plenty of scars and bruises. I still live on making myself stronger-willed. But I sitll often wonder, "what did I do to HIM to get a punishment as great as this?"

  People tell me "no one could have known" But they don't understand how it feels when you know your brother is about to die and you can't do anything about it. I continue to live in the hatred filled body, I can't do anything about it, because my time will come when HE calls my name off the list to come join HIM at the throne.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm not expecting you to understand why I wrote this, because I don't even know... I am also not expecting for any "pity calls" this is my life, and that's the way I see and live with it.

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