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Something New
I said I was done. I said that I would leave.
You said you would never do it again.
I called you and told you I wanted you in my life, still.
You said you wanted to be here, that me and the girls were your life.
I lost my friends, walked away from my family.
You had already walked away from your family, and family.
I had lost faith in you, the man that I fell in love with.
You had lost faith in you, because I did.
I lost me, along time ago.
You tried to help me, but it takes a lot to be with someone that is NEVER happy.
So the phone calls have slowly started to come in.
It is nothing just a friend.
A walk into a bar, that you said you would not go back into.
It was just a walk in and out, not even there for a minute.
It was a sip of a beer, at a "friends" house.
Another drink that was not suppose to be taken.
So now the choice is mine.
Do I turn a blind eye and say it will be different again?
Do I tell the girls that it is not going to happen that things have changed?
I said that I would keep them from the person that you become when you have a drink.
SO MY BIGGEST QUESTION YET.
CAN I BE A MOTHER AND A WIFE AT THE SAME TIME?
You came back and put everything together, the house was a mess, the girls were a mess, I WAS TIRED, NUMB, AND LOST IN SO MANY WAYS.
You give use so many good things.
You give me:
the strenght that I need
the organization in the house
the loveing arms to hold me at night
the person that when you are away i cant stop thinking about.
You give the kids:
the fun guy
the one that lets them be the kid that they are
the good and healthy food
the loving father
The things that are still there under the surface and things I cant seem to forget
the cheating
the girls
the late nights when i did not know where you were
the calls to come and bail you out of jail (again)
the worry about if you were coming home buzzed or drunk
the concern about what agurement it was going to be this time
the tip toeing around so that there wont be a fight
the making excuses for the argurements, telling the kids that you will be here shortly
Dont get me wrong I get that you have put up with all of my short cummings and then some.
You dealing with me not wanting to go on, not feeling good enough, not want to be here or anywhere for that matter.
There was a point when you tired to make me realize that I was good enough and that I was everything.
Then all your stuff happened.
I need you to realize I was there for you when no one else was, I know you better then you know yourself.
I LOVE YOU
